CAUGHT (REVAMPED)

3

Elijah Alkie Rivera

While I'm walking sa tabi ng road, I keep on pulling the collar ng shirt ko pataas. It's already six in the morning and afraid people might see the marks na ginawa ni mayor sa akin kanina.

I sighed deeply when I felt the pain hitting my body ulit. I'm not surprised. With all the bruises I got from mayor kanina, it was a miracle that I could still walk myself out. 

Sabi ni Ching na I don't have to work daw until all my bruises are gone. That means no bread and butter for me for God knows how long. Kahit nakakahiya, I kept Aya's money na lang na tinapon sa akin. I'll swallow the humiliation if it means I won't be sleeping with a growling stomach.

My lips curved into a small smile nang ma-reach ko na 'yong gate ng boarding house ko. I watched the lady at the house mamang police went into last time. She was carefully dancing the small bundle of joy sa arms niya. I can see the genuine smile on her face as she watched the baby in her arms. 

So swerte naman. I whispered in my head. 

She must be the woman mamang police was referring to na nililigawan niya. She looks so pretty and young. And it looks like na may baby na pala sila. Siguro nagka-conflict lang sila that's why nililigawan niya ulit 'yong girl. 

I pinched myself. 

I should stop caring about other people's lives. Sabi ng yaya ko bad daw 'yon. I went up to my room na lang para makapag-rest na din. I don't think I can hold up pa ng matagal. 

I removed all my clothes and threw all of them sa hamper. Naligo na ako kanina sa work but I feel like hindi pa siya enough. I still feel dirty. I can still feel everything. 

 I was walking to my bathroom nang matigil ako sa harap nang body mirror ko. I watched myself carefully. Every bruise I see brings back all the feelings I felt a while ago. It was so disgusting. 

My face. My mouth. My neck. My chest. My stomach. My hips. My legs. My knees. My feet. Everything about me disgusts me. 

"Guhkk!" My hands covered my mouth automatically. I feel like vomiting. 

I ran ng mabilis papunta bathroom at sumuka sa sink. I spewed every content I could get out sa stomach ko at nanghihinang napaupo sa floor. I laid my body on the cold floor and hugged myself tight. I shut my eyes tight and bit my lips. 

I'm scared. I feel so scared. 

I want to cry but I'm too pagod to do so. I want to pray but no one will hear me naman. I want to get away but I don't know where to run anymore. 

I have a lot to ask. I have a lot to pray for. I have a lot to plead. But I was always silenced by the place I'm currently in. 

I don't want to be weak but I don't know how long I can hold on. I feel so angry, so sad, so mad. I want to get mad at my parents for doing this to me. I want to get mad at ate Ching for betraying me. I want to get mad at people but I can only blame myself. 

It was all on me. It was always me. I'm always the problem.

I stayed there on the floor until I fell asleep. My head was hazy when I woke up and my stomach was grumbling like a madman. Pero wala akong lakas na kumilos. I had to crawl para lang marating ko ang bed ko. 

I slept on my bed for a long time. And I had wished it remained that way forever.

But I was brought to reality again when I opened my eyes. I groaned hard nang maramdaman ko ang pagkirot ng buong katawan ko. I feel so cold. Hindi naman naka-on ang electric fan dito sa room ko.