To Whom It May Concern.

Letter Four

To whom it may concern.

Hello, it's been a long time. I'd like to start by prefacing that things have changed a lot, for the better. I got a job, (and may be getting a second soon), I've finally moved out a few months ago, (not far, but eventually it will be), and I'm working on myself.

That being said, sometimes things stick with you. Feelings of depression, anxiety, and other things. I've been having nightmares for a while now, featuring a lot death and other things. I've found myself struggling to reach out even more, ever since everything shut down.

It's also come to my attention that I recently have been feeling the sensation known as touch starvation. This is conflicting to me, as I've grown up disliking contact with other people, but at the same time my body seems to want someone to hold in such a fashion that I don't think I've been comfortable with in a long time.

Some days, I also find my thoughts wiggling around and dragging themselves to the foremost part of my mind. These thoughts aren't good though, and indulging in such things once again would be bad for my health.

I'm currently searching for a new therapist, one that can help me with my transition. I don't seem to tell the world thing much, but I am transgender. Where I live, most people only see face value and don't accept more, which hurts. In January, it will mark two years of myself identifying as such. My parents weren't exactly supportive of it, but they eventually came around.

Despite that, I'm glad I moved out. They had become to the point where I would isolate myself in my room because I couldn't stand being around them. They would ask why I don't hang out with them, but when I would the conversation would always go back to how much money I was making at work, how much money is in my bank account, what I want to do with my life, and why wouldn't I go on a diet and lose weight.

While some of those questions aren't bad, they had been approached by my parents in a way that made me put everything into question. My parents aren't bad people, but they weren't good for me to stay with mentally. My mom tries to say that our relationship is better now that I've moved out, but I can't find myself agreeing with that conclusion. My relationship with them hasn't changed much, because there's barely anything there. I don't speak to my parents unless I want something from them, or they want something from me. Which is fine by me, because hold less power over me than they did before.

My writer's block is at an all time high, as I'm trying to begin the project that will eventually be my first game. I wish to create a visual novel, focused around characters that are LGBTQ+ because I feel like there aren't always great representations in media. My goal is to show there's more to people than their sexuality, and that "being gay" shouldn't be a personality trait. That's partially why I hope I get hired for this second job, because I'll be interacting with a lot of people, and hopefully it will in turn help me write better characters.

It feels good to be writing again.

Cain