dreams and others

Thought

Ok so this is.... I don't really know, I was just sitting on my bed feeling nothing and then suddenly I wanted to write something
And bam here it is hope you guys like it

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📓😶

I was sitting at the edge of the pool, my feet were in the water, silent tears running down my cheeks, I felt drowned of emotions, I couldn't really remember why I was crying, all I knew is that I wanted this feeling to end, I wanted everything to end, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I heard footsteps coming and I knew it was him; he would always be the one to come looking for me when I ran of, and it didn't matter where I went he would always find me; he was the only one keeping me sane.
He sat besides me grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers.
" you know things can't be like this forever, right?"

"I can't help it"I mumbled, tears still running down my cheeks." It's just the way I am, and I can't change that"

"That's bullshit, if you want to,you can change it, and you know I'll help you every step of the way" hearing him say does things, made me think for a second that I could do it, but like I said, only for a second.

"But what if I don't want to, what if I want to end everything, everyone has given up on me, everyone but you" I whispered the las part.

"You're not serious, are you?, you can't give up on yourself, so what if I am the only one who stills believes everything will be better" his voice held sadness " people want to see you fall, and sometimes you will, but you just got to get back up and keep on walking, and show them that no matter how many times you fall you will get back up, no matter what it takes" a sob escaped my mouth at his words; he wrapped his arms around me.

"I can't, I can't keep on standing up, I have fallen so many time that my knees are bleeding, I have walked so much that my feet hurt, all I can do is fall down, and I can't get back up"

"Than I'll carry you every step of the way" his voice was broken, and I could feel his tears falling on my bare shoulders.

I pulled away from him and stood up.

"Can't you see all I'm gonna do is pull you down with me, why can't you just let me go, why can't you just let me end everything?" At my words he stood up and stared at me.

"I can't because, I love you, and I can't loose you" his eyes were filled with tears, it broke me. I knew he loved me but he had never said it out loud before, and now that he had I had no idea of what to do or say.

"I can't" I sobbed " I can't do it"

His eyes held anger and love but above does two they held sadness.

" I have tried everything, and you just won't give up on giving up, how ironic is that" he shook his head "what else do you want me to do??"

" I want you to give up on me" I whispered.

"Fine if that's what you want, I'm giving up on you,unwillingly, but I am"

" so much for never giving up, what happened to 'with you every step of the way'?" I laughed, a laugh that held no happiness, just anger and sadness.

" I've tried everything, nothing works with you, nothing will make you want to stay, and when, if , you leave I don't want to end completely broken-hearted, I don't want to stop malfunctioning as a person, and the only way to avoid that, is to leave you, I'll end up with heart ache no matter what, but leaving now will lessen the pain" with does words he turned around and walked away; I heard him sob and then he was gone.

I fell to my knees and cried my eyes out, I yelled, I cursed God for everything that has happened to me. I cried cause now I had managed to push everyone away, I cried cause I felt broken, but most of my tears were because I had pushed away and broken the only person I had ever loved.

I had managed to die, but not in the way I wanted to, I was dead on the inside, but I could still feel pain, sadness, anger, and heart ache, everything I wanted to get away from had become a thousand time worse.

I laid on the grass with my face filled with tears, old ones and new ones, and stayed like that all night, at some point I fell asleep, but never woke up; I guess one can die of heartache after all .
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Ok so I hope you guys liked it