everything i think up at 1am

Guilty Conscience

Guilty Conscience - A Plasmatropolis AU Oneshot

Before we jump into the story, I have an author's note to deliver.

My heart goes out to all my co-writers for Plasmatropolis and its universe it's set in, as well as all the members of the SoW Fanfiction Writer's Union, without which this idea would never have been conceived, nor developed.

No part of this oneshot is canon in the universe of Plasmatropolis. This was merely written as a fun and mildly cursed exercise in preparation for my other projects, and to accompany an illustration I have made, once again, for fun.

Credits go to David R. B. for the creation and production of Songs of War.

There will be no gore/blood/injury in this oneshot, but there will be a whole lot of angst. If you're sensitive to seeing ~ s a d c h i l d r e n ~ (or cursed ships) then I recommend you stop reading here.

(and istg if there are actually any unironic cianvatros shippers out there i will find you and break your kneecaps)

Gazing at the pelting rain that filled the empty streets, a young Sendaris woman sat under the shelter of a tram stop, waiting for the tram to arrive. Listening to the rain was calming, in a way, soothing and constant. Quickly looking down at her watch to check the time, she facepalmed at her own idiocy.

She realised that she'd missed her usual trip by almost half an hour.

'Oh no... Aevatros' gonna kill me for coming home late!'

A second voice cropped up in her head.

'You have to let them go, Enarii.

You do remember what happened, right?'

The rain had lulled her into a sense of ease, and her mindset had been thrown into the one she'd had, nine years prior. She scolded herself for allowing her vigilance to slip so easily, but soon stopped as she recalled the source of the thought.

Not that she wanted to.

Enarii was the oldest child in her sector of the orphanage. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she'd heard that a new family was thinking of adopting her. Her emotions swirled around each other like two snakes thrown into water; apprehension and wariness battling with excitement and elation. She had never found a family right for her, and this news brought a spark of hope into her life.

Orientation workshops. The family that had been considering her for adoption turned out to be two Sendaris males. One was tall and acted as cold as his markings appeared, but had softened his eagle-like demeanor upon meeting the child. The other was much more tempered, with markings of turquoise. It was almost as if he were balancing out the first. He was much less intimidating.

Ciantrius and Aevatros.

They were the family for her. Having bonded instantly at their first encounter, the papers were signed within two months. Her life from then on had changed for the better, There were some setbacks, for sure, but the trio had always pulled through.

It all fell apart when her dads had been fired from their respective jobs; researcher and assistant. They'd accidentally gotten involved with a well-known crime lord, and hadn't been able to escape the grief-stricken conman's wrath. She was only in her second year of university at the time.

Their deaths replayed.

She hadn't been there to see it happen herself, but the news reports were enough to tell her all she needed to know. Those words never left her head. In her saddest, darkest moments, the voice of the reporter - spoken in that stupid, generic, cold, detached voice - were reheard, time and time again.

She hadn't attended their funerals. She couldn't bear it. But there was no closure in turning her back to the ones who'd loved her the most, and regret still filled her heart to this day.

Opening her eyes, she stared up at the dark sky, tears running down her face, cold and icy from the air and rain. The showering no longer seemed calm and peaceful, the former order that'd guided her thoughts before was now torn apart and thrown back together in a tornado of discordant splashing. Breaking the silence, Enarii howled. She screamed to the sky, for she knew nobody was listening. She shouted at the clouds and the rain, for they were the ones who'd dug up the old, painful memories. She cried out at the empty tram tracks below, slowly running out of justifications for her own emotion.

It was her fault she was alone.

'Do you remember now, Enarii?'

'Please shut up.

I don't want to listen to you.'

'I am you.

I just want to see what could have happened if nothing went wrong.'

'Stop.

I know that isn't going to bring them back.

Nothing will.

Now shut up, other 'me'.'

The voice stopped, and she was thankful. She didn't want to argue with whoever this was, sitting in her head. Rumbling in her right ear pulled her out of her own head again, and she quickly wiped the tears from her cheek with the cuff of her sleeve. Gathering herself and her backpack, she stood up, staring into the headlights of the tram.

'I won't forget you, dads.

But I can't think about you now."