One night can change everything...

Regret and Painful nights

The institute was sparse with people. Most likely asleep given the late hour. Her walk had been longer than she had expected it to be.

The only people there were working on tech stuff on the computers. And the others were out patrolling.

Today she had opted for a sick day. Well that was the excuse she had used anyway. It was more like a half truth.

She managed to get to her room unnoticed, thankfully. Now was not the time to talk to Jules. The whole day had been too much for her. All she wanted to do was to change into comfy pajamas which were a spaghetti strap top and shorts. The lights were off which was weird because she could've sworn she had left them on.

Maybe her brain and mind weren't as sharp as they used to be?

Clary had told her that things would be changing to her body. Memory loss, which was called 'mom brain', and she would get bigger in certain places. Not that she didn't have a decent cup size.

And now her mind wanted sleep. Which she was going to do until someone scared the living daylights out of her!

"Jules, what the hell!?" Her heart was pounding and her head started to hurt all over again.

The sword in her hand went back into its case by her leg.

"I could've killed you, you idiot!"

"I didn't mean to scare you. I was just worried about you. You weren't here the whole day and it's late out. Am I not allowed to worry about you anymore?"

His last sentence really stuck out to her.

It had so many double meanings to it. Such as, 'Look, I know we slept together and things are awkward. But I'd still like to be your friend.'

Friend. They were so much more than that. Being parabatai did have a special connection.

"I was out. I am more than prepared to defend myself against people. Remember?"

He knew she was a strong shadowhunter. And she was also strong, independent, hard-headed and stubborn. Which is how he knew he'd have to tread lightly.

"I know you can. You've even beat me in training. I was just worried about you."

Emotional guilt usually never worked on her. But with all these extra hormonal feelings, it was hard not to give in.

"Jules, you are so allowed to worry. It's just I had some things that I needed to do on my own."

"Things that you can't tell me about?"

They never kept secrets from each other. And as much as the voice in her head was telling her to scream out what was bothering her...she didn't know if she could.

"I just need some time. I promise I will tell you. Just please, trust me."

His shoulders slumped slightly and he sighed.

"Emma, I do trust you. And I know that whatever is bothering you, that you'll tell me if and when you're ready."

Why did he have to be so damn nice and perfect!?

"I should get back to my room."

Walking a few steps away from her he was almost to the door when she asked him something. Her voice so soft that he wasn't sure she had spoken. But he turned around and saw her.

"Jules, do you think...maybe, you could stay here with me? I know things are complicated with us. But I've had a long day and I just really want to sleep comfortably. And that only happens when you're with me."

His heart was beating slightly faster. She had asked him to stay before, but this was different.

Could he really stay here with her?

"If it's too weird, I understand. I was just hoping..."

"I would love to stay here with you."

She smiled and went to quickly change while he sat on her bed. Above the covers as always.

He would hate himself in the morning. But tonight he was giving in to his heart.

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