Come On & Save Me

Chapter Nine

*Alex's POV*

We managed to make omelets. Jack was able to let my hand go long enough for me to cut up some veggies like peppers and tomatoes and onions to brown before mixing them in with the eggs and making the omelets. He made coffee with my Keurig while I did that, but not once did he take his eyes off of me, and I didn't take mine off of him apart from when I was looking at what I was chopping, since I didn't want to chop a finger off or anything. 
I put our food on plates and got salsa and hot sauce and the coffee creamer out of the fridge and sat down at the table. I twisted the lids off of everything so we could do everything one handed.
He sat down next to me, putting our cups of coffee down. I held my hand out, and he took it. I had a feeling we'd be holding hands forever, and that was perfectly okay with me. One day maybe he'd be okay enough to let it go for a while, to need it less, but I'd still hold his hand. I needed it too.
There was quite a lot I hadn't told him yet, and I was going to today. It wasn't fair at all to him that he'd told me so much about him in the span of just slightly over 24 hours, and he only knew me as the guy who saved him from dealing with his abuser and rapist ever again. 
"I want to talk after we eat." I said quietly, pouring more hot sauce over my omelet then stirring some creamer into my coffee.

He turned his head and looked at me with wide eyes. I'd have to remember to be more specific with him.
"No, Jack don't freak out. It's not about you or us or what we're doing here. It's just about my own past. You've told me so much about you, I want to tell you about me." I smiled a tiny bit and stole a bite off of his omelet, just to mess around with him a little, trying to break the tension I had caused within him.
He smiled back and stole a bite off of mine.
"Hey, that was the best part!" I complained. That part had peppers, onions and tomatoes in that one perfect bite.
He smirked, "I know. That's why I took it." He laughed a little.
I glared, then smiled back at him.
"Is it scary what you're going to tell me?" He asked.
I shrugged, "It might be, I don't know. It's scary to me. It's my own bad memories that I don't really like reliving, but I need to tell you. You told me all about your worst nightmares, and personally, I think we're way past the whole awkward getting to know each other phase. We kind of deep dove into this friendship we've got going on here. So I'm going to get really personal with you too, if that's okay." I looked over at him to see what he was thinking, or at least try to.
He nodded at me, "Okay. As long as you want to tell me, I want to listen." 
I purposely finished breakfast slowly, and quite frankly, I was feeling really sick to my stomach. I was nervous to tell him anything like this, because I hadn't told anyone. Rian knew, but that was it, and I'd been ignoring Rian since I dipped out on school to help Jack. Not purposely, there had just been a lot going on, so I'd have to catch him up in a way that didn't spill all of Jack's secrets to him, since it wasn't his situation to tell about. 

"Alex are you okay?" Jack asked, squeezing my hand. He'd finished already, and I was just pushing around some leftover egg on my plate.
I nodded, "Yeah...I'm just kind of procrastinating on telling you any of this...Not because I don't want to, but because...I don't know. I don't talk about it. The only person who knows is my friend Rian, and obviously my parents and family back in Essex. Which yeah, something you didn't know either, I was born in Essex in the UK and moved here when I was 7. Either way. It's just something no one knows. It kind of makes my stomach hurt to even think about." I could feel my stupid eyes sting with tears. I blinked them away and sighed.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, it's okay." Jack said quietly, still squeezing.
I squeezed back, "I want to though. I just don't know where to even start. Just...Come on. I'd rather not tell you at my breakfast table, especially if I start crying, which I probably will."
Jack looked concerned, but he nodded and stood up with me. We abandoned our plates and headed back to my room.
I laid down on the bed, slightly propped up by my pillows, and he did the same, holding my hand and rubbing circles against it with his thumb, like I'd been doing for him.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "Okay...So I had an older half brother. He was 12 years older than me, and he was like my best friend. He taught me a lot, like I learned how to play some guitar from him. Not much because...Well, I guess I'll get to that...Anyway I didn't know it when I was just a little little kid, I just knew that my parents were always screaming and fighting with him...I hid a lot under my covers, I cried a lot. I asked them to stop once, but they didn't even see me, they were too busy yelling...That happened a lot. When I was 11, he moved back to the UK...He had a drinking problem. No one had told me that, but I overheard it. He was drinking too much. He needed help. He wasn't okay. He was going to wind up dead if he wasn't careful...And...I just..." I choked up. I knew I would, and my stomach was doing flips. Jack squeezed again. I squeezed back, hard. Now I was the one needing comforting. 
"When I was 12...He was f-found dead and...I-i h-hadn't even b-been able to hug him or t-tell him how much I love h-him...He was just dead, and I m-miss him so much e-every single d-day, and I have nightmares all the time wh-where I just hear the screaming and th-the fighting and I," I hadn't even realize I was sobbing now, struggling to get my words out, "M-my parents d-don't even talk about h-him anymore...It m-makes th-them s-sad but they don't even th-think about h-how it makes me feel." Before I knew it, his free arm was around me, pulling me against his chest, his hand squeezing mine tight. 
I just cried and cried. I knew my story wasn't nearly as traumatic as his, but it was still my most secret thing that I couldn't talk about, just because of what happened to me when I did. Like what I was doing to Jack right now. I felt selfish and unfair, but he wanted to hear it. Then again, I'd offered to tell.
"I'm s-so sorry" I sobbed out against his chest, "M-my st-stupid h-history is so m-much easier th-than anything you're g-going through r-right now." I sucked in a deep breath, trying so hard to pully myself together.