While I was biologically innocent, I generally wasn't.
I'd watched my fair share of porn ever since I was like eighteen.
The first time I watched it, it was genuinely out of curiosity. I didn't know that all you had to do was search on Google or chrome and bam, it was at your service.
Unlike other people who may be wowed by porn, I found it absolutely disgusting. The funniest part is I still couldn't stop watching it.
My search history was filled with 'sex in the pool videos', 'sex in the library videos', 'dry humping videos', 'passionate sex in the bed videos', 'sex in the park videos', 'sex in the car videos' and even titles like " black guy fucks Asian hard". Racist much?
I felt guilty every time I watched one, basically because I don't think it was okay for me to do as a Christian, and also it was my upkeep, in other words my parents' money that I was using to buy data to watch what I'm sure they had never imagined me watching.
The fact that I found sex extremely dirty and intrusive of personal space was one of the reasons I was still a virgin at twenty five, in addition to a book that I read saying that mostly people who had sex after marriage had lasting marriages.
I had also been constantly told that fornication was a sin and God did I want to go to heaven.
Truthfully, when I read the Bible, I didn't find any statement that said "no sex before marriage". All I found was a statement saying that the marital bed was sacred, which I took as God saying that every other bed was okay and besides, I already knew at this point that I'd never be ready for marriage.
Was I willing to miss out on the pleasures of life and be celibate though? No.
After all the weird stories my friends had told me about their first time being sort of painful, I was excited thinking about how mine would be because I kind of liked pain. I was the kind to put salt on a wound when I got one.
I just didn't know it would happen so soon.
After a really stressing Friday at work because of a really lazy and annoying pharmacy technician I had to work with, all I needed was something to relax my mind. After all, my day off was tomorrow.
It was exactly 8pm when he showed up at my door.
"I'm heading out to the club. Wanna come?" He asked as usual when I opened the door and I silently scrutinised him.
I'd known him for two months now and for real, he hadn't given me a reason not to trust him. In fact, I had feelings for him though I wasn't sure if they were good or bad so I couldn't determine whether we were friends or not.
"Actually yeah," I replied and his eyes widened for a second.
"Do you mean that?" He asked unsure because I had turned his offer down like five times before.
"Wait here," I replied and headed to my room to find what to wear intentionally leaving him outside.
I was inhospitable like that sometimes.
Since I had just showered when he showed up, all I needed to do was wear.
I wasn't big on dressing, so my wardrobe contained mainly very simple clothes.
I mean, what was the whole point of wearing designer clothes.
For me, as long as I wasn't naked in public, I was good to go.
I didn't do any makeup because first of all, I didn't own any. I had always preferred a natural look and also, people who make up are usually put in the spotlight, something I hated with a passion and precisely didn't like.
