Fields of Clover - THE SPECTER SERIES [book two]

Chapter FORTY NINE

Yevette Feilds

Your body begins to tremble at the memory of Zachs twisted face as you took his life.. The wheezing death rattle that escaped his lungs rings in your ears.. "I.. I killed Zach.." You sob and Patrick springs to his feet, taking your hand and leading you back to your seat on the sofa, dropping down beside you, his thumb tracing soothing circles on your wrist, his eyes watching you with concern ..

"Yeah.. You did.." He nods calmly..

"The blood.. God, Patrick - there was so much blood.. I didn't want to do it.. but.." Your voice wavers so you pause to steady yourself... Patrick doesn't speak, he just watches you, with a soft understanding expression on his face as he listens.. "He wanted me to go back to him.. To re-marry him.. and when I refused, he.. He tried to force himself on me.. I.. I cut his throat open with a piece of glass.."

Patrick tries to keep a straight face, but his eyebrows twitch when you mention the 'how' .. You know the gruesome nature Zachs death is truly terrible, just from his reaction.. "Oh god.. The sound he made.. I can still hear it.." You sob again..

"Shhhh.. You're alrite', Princess.." You lean into his comforting embrace, immediately feeling that familiar security and safety you felt around him from the moment you met.. "Honestly, Yevie.. You did the guy a favour.. Compared to what I was goin' to do with him once I got my hands on him.. I reckon he got off easy.." His voice is hard, angry.. Not angry at you.. But more at himself..

"You don't mean that.."

He pulls back and looks down at you, jaw set and eyes deadly serious.. "I absolutely do mean that, princess.. That's who I am Yevie.. If killing Zach makes you a bad person, then I'm a fuckin' monster.."

It hurts your heart to him him talk about himself like that.. He's no monster.. He's the most incredible man you've ever met.. He's also the first person who ever really understood you.. Who you really are.. "No.. That's not.. You're not.."

You understand him.. He is a good man, who does what is right and just.. If you can forgive his actions so easily, you must be able to forgive your own.. Clarity hits you like a tonne of bricks.. Zach's death is not your fault, it's his own.. You can feel remorseful for the act itself.. But feeling guilty for his death .. No.. Zach doesn't deserve to hold that power over you from beyond the grave..

You're finally free.. Really, truly free..

"I know what I am princess.. I think you do too.. An' I know that you value people in a way I don' entirely understand, even those who don' necessarily deserve it.. But I think this time.. You can give yourself a break, Yevie.. Zach was a piece of shit.. Death doesn' make you a Saint.."

No, he's definitely right.. Death doesn't make you a Saint...

You nod, wiping your eyes.. "That.. Actually makes sense.. When did you get so smart?" You smack his arm playfully, a faint smile forming on your lips..

"I 'ave me' moments.." He grins..

You pull your feet up beneath you and wriggle into a more comfortable position.. He shifts too, learning back and stretching a heavy arm along the back of the couch.. "I am still mad at you for disappearing.." You keep your gaze cast down, afraid to look at him because, you don't want to be mad at him.. But him leaving while you were in the hospital really stung.. Even if he was rescuing all those people and tracking down your bitch of a mother.. Which.. Obviously was more important, you know that.. But the disappearing thing he does.. It scares you.. Because you sure that one day, he won't come back..