Crazy, Stupid, Summer Sparks |COMPLETE| MaNan Fiction

Chapter 10: This Is So Messed Up!

Mox was sitting in the center of the football field. It was dark and deserted here at this late hour, far ahead he could see the white goal post, and there was an identical one right behind. Both had the same function, and at some point of life or the other, he has defended from both the posts; but today, when there was no match, and he was sitting right in the middle of the ground, which one was his post? The one before him, or the one behind him? He looked down and sighed, still clutching his knees to his chest; the soft grass below her was damp from the slight shower of the evening.

Mox was in the cross roads of life, he needed to make a clear choice, both his identities played out before him like the two goal posts; the one in front of him was Mox, the one behind was Mukti; until now he had always chosen Mox, but after what happened an hour or so back, he wasn't sure of his choice anymore, he felt like he was literally stuck in the middle of the field and Mukti was the post right behind him, so far Mukti wasn't visible, but now she is; Mox shuddered at the realization. He shut his eyes tight and a lone tear escaped him; it brought him back to the fresh memories of an hour back, when he came here with Abhimanyu.

~One hour back~

He was sitting right here, with Abhimanyu beside him. He was very agitated, Nandini's words were eating him inside - on one side was the lucrative offer that if he proved it that he wasn't a girl, all would accept him as Mox, how he wanted things to be, but that would come only at the cost of forcing himself to be intimate with a random man? How could he bring himself to that? How could he oblige anyone? Who would understand? Wait did that mean, somewhere he had persuaded himself to go through that temporary hell? What was rape, he wondered, literally what did it mean? Wasn't it forcing someone to a sexual act without his consent? Wasn't he doing the same to himself? Wasn't he forcing himself to an act of intimacy which his heart didn't give consent to? But the dream of being accepted as who he really was, it was too powerful, it kept nagging him; how was he to go about it, he wondered.

Abhimanyu was sitting quietly next to Mox noticing him. Mox was very disturbed, much more disturbed then he could gauge, he had agreed to come to the football field with hope of some answers, but he wasn't sure how to ask them now. Mox seemed too far, too lost in his own world.

"Mox, what is it mate?" he whispered. It brought Mox back to his present; he looked back in shock to realize Abhimanyu was still beside him. He gave him an agitated look and opened his mouth to explain, but nothing came out, where was he to begin from? Abhimanyu understood the dilemma.

"Buddy, you can count on me. I will understand" he gently encouraged him. He was right, thought Mox, only Abhimanyu could come close to understanding, close to, but that was the best hope he had, after all this guy had always understood him and accepted him as he was - he fought for Mox, to instill Mox's believe in others too; that Mox was a guy! Not a girl!

Mox smiled helplessly, a little teary eyed. Abhimanyu was alarmed, in his fifteen years of friendship with Mox, he never cried, what could have possibly happened? He automatically got close to Mox and hugged him consoling him. "Hey mate, it's okay, I have your back, you know right?" he soothed him gently. Mox only hugged him tighter, holding him tightly in his embrace, Abhimanyu held on, though admittedly he felt a little strange; Mox was feeling different today, he couldn't quite place how. Mox on the other hand was silently holding onto him like he was his strongest pillar, Mox opened his eyes to see his face was near Abhimanyu's neck, the posture felt oddly comforting. He had never hugged Abhimanyu like this before; admittedly it was different from a bear-hug. Mox smiled, but Abhimanyu had always been a strong source of comfort for him. He was such kind of a man.