Never Got to Apologize

Chapter 5

From the corner of his eyes, he spotted some students being escorted out of the school building by the army. He pushed through the crowd again, and his search immediately started to search for his sister and brother. Little kids were being walked in a line, and they rushed to their parents when they saw them.

Where is Zarmeenay? This question was running in his mind.

He got one of the officer's attention by tapping on his shoulder. "Can you ask them to look for a little girl, with hazel brown eyes? She is a little girl, officer," he said, "she is in kindergarten."

The officer gave him a sad tight smile, and his heart sank down in his heart, waiting for horrible news. "We are getting all of the living kids out, if she doesn't come out in the next minutes, that means she didn't make it."

Arman didn't know where he got the anger from when he yelled at the officer, "She will make it out! Don't you dare say that! I'll go look for her!" Arman's face was heated with anger, and he pushed himself past the officer.

He ran in front of the school, stepping inside, where he was then dragged by two officers who yelled at him. Arman couldn't hear what they were saying. All he could think about was of Zarmeenay and Bahrawar.

The two officers made him sit down on the ground, and one of the officers kept watch of him.

"Whoever you are looking for will come out safe; just pray for the best, son."

Were they really going to make it out by walking out from the front gate of school? He was furious that the officers were not letting him go inside.

There were loud sirens everywhere, many ambulances cars were filled with too many injured students. He looked over at Ahmed's father who had Bakar in his hands. Arman let out a sigh of relief when he saw him safe and sound. He went up to them, and hugged little Bakar.

"Are you okay?" Arman asked the little kid who was terrified. He wiped away his tear away with his arm, and hugged him. The little body of Bakar reminded him of Zarmeenay, who was still found nowhere.

He gulped down the lump in his throat, and asked, "Have you seen Zarmeenay? Did you see her anywhere?"

He waited for Bakar to reply back, but he kept silent. His eyes were dark, and he was lost in his thoughts.

The only thing Bakar asked him was, "Where is Ahmed bhai, brother?" He asked for his brother, who he always played outside with. Ahmed always made sure no one in the neighbourhood put a finger on little Bakar. Bakar was like a prince to Ahmed, like Zarmeenay was a princess to Arman.

Arman didn't know he had it in him to give Bakar an answer, but he slowly replied to him. "Your Ahmed bhai went somewhere safe. W-where he will join army,Insha Allah, God willing. He said he'll take care of you from up there." He pointed up at the sky, and Bakar covered his eyes to block the sun as he looked up.

Bakar was a smart kid, and he understood right away. "Allah took him," he swallowed, and looked at me.

Giving him a small, sad, smile, Arman kissed his forehead. "Is he going to be happy there?" Bakar asked. Arman tried not to cry again, but the tears were back.

"Yes, of course," he told him, "he'll always be happy, and he will watch over you."

Before he could say something else, a voice called out for Arman. "Is your brother, your twin?" one of the officers who had been watching him earlier asked.

The lump in his throat tightened, and he nodded his head. The officer looked at him with pity, and he saw him move his lips, but he didn't hear him.

Everything zoned out, people cries, ambulances sirens, parents who were praying out loud, he couldn't hear anything. It felt like everything stopped, and there were no thoughts running around his mind. He stood frozen on the ground, and he looked behind at the officer. There were stretches, where some bodies were covered with white cloths. He took some steps to get near them.

His hand shook as he removed the white cloth from the first body. He moved on to the next one, and the next. After seeing the fourth body, he went over to the fifth one. His hand trembled, and his heart squeezed in his chest. There were some stains of blood on the sheet on the torso part, the person must have been shot in the stomach, or maybe it was someone else's blood on him.

Slowly he removed the cloth from the body, and he came face to face with someone who looked exactly like him. His twin. His other half.

Bahrawar laid silently on the stretcher with his eyes closed. Arman leaned closer, and waited to hear his brother's breathing, but he heard none.

"Bahrawar," he called out for him. He nodded his head, "You're playing a game with me." Arman checked his pulse, but he didn't feel any.

Someone else sat next to him, and took his brother's body in his arms. He looked up to find his father, and he was a mess. Gul Khan pulled him in for a hug. He kept sobbing, and Arman looked away. He felt empty inside and out, but other than that, he didn't felt anything else. Feeling nauseous, he turned away, and bent down, coughing. He threw over beside an ambulance, and he felt a hand on his back. He gulped down the lump in his throat, and looked up.

First he thought he was dreaming, little Zarmeenay was standing above him with a frightened expression. Her hands were shaking, and she had big tears in her eyes.

That was the moment when Arman came out from the denial of his twin's death. He pulled Zarmeenay into his chest, and wrapped his arms around her. This was when Arman started to cry, and he held his little sister in his arms as if she was going to leave him, just like Bahrawar did.

They both didn't speak a word, but held each other. Zarmeenay rubbed his brother's back with her small, and soft hands. She looked down at her bloodied shirt, and her nails. She didn't knew what happened. She has never been more glad in her life when her brother held her in his arms.

She quietly cried on his shoulder, and grieved for her classmates who laid down with blood around them back in the class, and then finally for her loving brother. A soft cry left her lips, calling for her brother, "Veer."

"I want Bahrawar," she told Arman, who started to weep. Arman felt a hand on his shoulder, and it was his mother. He hugged his mother, and weeped on her shoulder. He was clutching onto her shawl which she had around her. Soon the whole family was hugging each other.

Arman thought about how he didn't get to apologize to Bahrawar. His heart was torn in pieces for the hundredth times that day. He wanted to tell him how sorry he was, and wanted to promise him how he wasn't going to let anyone bully him again.

Just like Bahrawar never got to apologize for his behavior towards Arman. But he was long gone to even apologize now.