Silent Love: A Love Live Sunshine Fanfiction

Advice

"Italicized" = Signed

"Regular" = Spoken

Italicized = Yō typing

Bold = Someone else typing

----- = A spoken word Yō can't understand (or at least not lip read)

...

Yō's POV:

I couldn't stop thinking about our live. It was haunting me. I couldn't stop thinking back to how I messed up. To how I ruined it.

Everyone had done so well, but then I didn't. I know they don't think that way. They keep reassuring me that it's fine, but... I don't know. I've been trying to work harder, but I don't really feel like I'm improving.

It was late at night. I was sitting on my bed staring up at the ceiling. I can't sleep. I can't get my mind to shut up. No matter what I try, it won't leave me alone.

Why? I saw more comments. More people hating me. Mocking me. Telling me I'm worthless as an idol. And, maybe they're right. No matter what I do, I keep messing up. I keep failing to get better.

I got off of my bed. I need to get out. I'm suffocating here. I need time to myself. To think things through.

I carefully crept out of the hotel. I don't want Mari to know where I'm going. I just kind of want to vanish for a bit. I feel that'll do me well.

I took some money with me incase I needed some. I left my phone in my room. I don't need it. Not right now.

I threw on a jacket and my shoes and then headed out. I don't really have a clue as to where I want to go. I just want to get away from everything for a while.

I ended up in a forest. I climbed up a tree. I laid back on it and watched the stars. It's peaceful out here. I like it. It gives me a chance to breathe.

...

I must've fallen asleep at some point. I woke up to sun in my face. I groaned as I opened my eyes. I was still in the tree. I scanned the area and then climbed down.

Now I wish I would've brought my phone. I have no idea what time it is. Oh well. I might as well head into the town to see. I don't want to see anyone yet. I'll wait a while longer.

I didn't see too many people around town. I found a clock. School was already started. I wonder how they feel about me just vanishing for a bit? They have no clue where I am. I should go back. But... I don't want to. Not yet.

I somehow found myself at the bus stop. I don't know why, but I found myself boarding it. I just spaced out as it drove. I have no plans. I'm just going somewhere else. Just for a bit. I'll be back by tonight. I promise.

...

I found myself back at the venue where we had our performance. I don't know why I ended up here. I shouldn't be here. I should've moved on from this event. And yet... I can't.

I sighed and headed down the road. I don't really know what to do. I know I should go back, but I don't want to. Maybe they don't even care that I'm gone? They were better off without me, weren't they?

I stopped at a bench and sat down. I curled up and shoved my face into my knees. I felt tears forming in my eyes. I can't cry. Not here.

I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I didn't respond. Hopefully they'll leave me alone. But, they didn't. They forced me to look at them.

They look familiar. Where have I seen this girl before? Wait. She's... we met before the live. Yeah. What was her name? I can't remember...

She tugged me up and started dragging me down the street. Where is she taking me? What does she want?

We ended up at a cafe. She took me inside and to the back area. She motioned for me to sit on a couch. She left the room after that. I waited for her to return.

I still can't think of her name... That's not good. Come on. I should be able to remember this. I don't want to have to ask her. But, I think I'll have to.

She soon came back with some tea. We sat together and didn't talk. Not like I really can. I don't have my phone so I can't do much.

She pulled out her phone. Well. Looks like we can talk.

Why are you here?

I needed to get away from everyone.

Why?

Am I really able to be an idol if I'm deaf?

She didn't type a reply for a while. She probably doesn't know what to respond to that with. She didn't like that Aqours was a group to begin with, did she?

Ah. I remember her name now. Sarah. Thank god I finally remembered that. Now it'll be less awkward if I need her name. Though, I don't think I do, but safe than sorry.

Why do you ask?

People don't think I should be one. I keep messing up because I can't hear too. So, maybe it's better I don't keep being an idol

Do you like being one?

Do I? It's been nothing but stressful. But... that's because I'm constantly worrying over being better... isn't it? Before that... was I happy? Was there ever a time before that?

I don't know

I honestly can't say. I don't think there ever was a time where I could be carefree about it. I was always so worried about showing them I could keep up.

Why?

I've never looked at it as fun. I've only been focused on getting better to prove myself.

I see. You were too worried about how other people saw you to actually enjoy anything

It seems she understands. I've always just felt pressured.

I don't know how to not worry

Why not focus on only having fun? Don't think of the future. Focus on the present.

Maybe that could work. If I don't see it as working for a competition, then maybe I can finally relax. Maybe that can mean I'll enjoy it for once.

I'll try. Thank you.

I smiled. This has really helped me.

I look forward to seeing how you fare. I'm interested in seeing you break the stereotype

You think I can be an idol even if I can't hear?

Last time we met she seemed so uninterested in it. She didn't care. Now she does? Maybe once she saw our performance she changed her mind on me?

If you put your mind to it

I'll do my best.

Are you heading home then?

I probably should

Take care

I left the place then. I made my way to the bus stop. It took a while for the bus to arrive. I boarded it. Now I have to wait till I get home.

Well, at least I know what I'm doing now. I won't focus solely on showing people my skill. I'm going to only do it for my enjoyment. That hopefully will help me.

I want to be an idol. I want to do this. It's just I sometimes feel like this industry doesn't want me. It doesn't make anything accessible for me.

Oh... I remembered something. We have a live soon. What do I do? Would they mind if I sat out? No... they require all members to perform at this one.

Well... I have an idea. Could interpreting be counted as performing? After all, I'm on the stage with them. I'm still dancing, just not like them. I'll try it. Hopefully they will agree.

They want me to feel wanted. They want to help me. They should agree to this then. I can only hope.