When you can't resist temptation it feels as though you have been locked inside a subatomic box tortured with distress thoughts you can't stop. It looks like a fish being pulled out of the water choking on air, except it is you who is choking on your own tears. You feel alone, tormented, small, depressed, weak, frustrated, anxious, out of control, broken, ready to give up, and angry.
Alone because you have no one to talk to about your addiction, or the urge you have to do something wrong. You feel like no human will ever understand what is going through your head.
Tormented because of all the thoughts that run through your mind while being tempted, thoughts that are taking over you, calling you names, making you feel worthless.
Depress because you feel as though there is nothing you can do. Nobody knows how dead you are on the inside.
Weak because you feel as if you are not strong enough to resist. Sometimes you don't even have control of your own flesh, always battling it, you just won't win.
Out of control because you can not control your flesh that is telling you to do things you do not like or want.
Frustrated because you can not find a way to overcome it, and when you think you have found a way, it just takes you back to day one.
Broken because the addiction makes you feel like tiny puzzles anxiously waiting to be whole again.
Ready to give up beacause what you did was wrong and you can not take it back, they even call that regret.
Anxious because you want to quit your addiction but you can't. Those loud frustrated yells you let out at night when you fall right into the hole.
Wretched because you begged to God to take away all these desires, but you feel as though nothing is happening, nothing is changing. It seems like the temptations keep coming, more and more each time, each one of them hitting you hard in the chest.
Have you ever felt like this?
Have you ever felt so worthless that you even ask yourself who would want to be friends with someone like me? Or who would ever want to love someone who is vile and filthy? Someone with an addiction that seems to never end.
Is there even an end?
YOU ARE READING
Addicted
Short StoryHave you ever felt like you are in a good state of mind and then out of nowhere you are trapped again on day one? If you can relate then add this to your reading list and if you read it and do not relate then go ahead and take me off your list.
