Hurt

Chapter 3

Chapter 3  

Nathan came out of the bathroom and sat down next me. "My little Jill Bird, you're going wipe those tears off you face and get ready for the interview and concert for tonight.”

I got up and went into the bathroom. It took me an hour to get ready. I came out with my head down.

"Jill you look absolutely stunning!" 

I looked at him my face with tears.  

‘I just can't look pretty anymore. I'm not skinny and I don't have the features,’ I thought to myself.  

Nathan escorted me to the car and helped me in. It took us 15 minutes to get to our destination. When we got in the room, everyone stared at me.

"I knew I looked bad oh my god I can't even go anywhere without getting made fun of."

As I was walking to the room I heard "Who is that stunning girl with Nath?"

 "I don't know but she is gorgeous they make such a good couple." Said Brianna, a reporter I’ve seen before.

I saw a side of Nathan and the boys I've never seen before but I liked the way he acted like himself. The interview was over and I heard people ask if I was Nathan's Girlfriend.

 ‘I wish I'm not even pretty and worth being his girlfriend,’ I thought to myself.  

Next stop was the concert at the NYS fair. Nathan had given me Back Stage Passes so I brought My friends; Georgie, Elizabeth, Brittany, and Alana. I asked the boys if they could be Heart Vacancy girls and they said yes. Alana had Siva, Georgie had Jay, Brittany had Max, Elizabeth had Tom and I had Nathan since he asked me the night before. I was excited!

We went on stage and they introduced us and I heard someone say "GET HER OFF THE STAGE SHE IS WAY TO UGLY." I seriously felt like running off the stage but the music started so a stayed but I ruined my makeup by crying.

We went to an after party later and we all got a bit tipsy. We had a taxi come get us because we couldn't drive everyone stayed at my house.

I went home to write in my journal and it's was gone!  

"Oh my god where is it? I put it right there," I yelled, frantically looking for it. "What if Nathan found it!" As I was looking for it I had another anxiety attack.

This time it was bad! I had almost completely stopped breathing. Nathan saw me and ran over to me. "Jillian are you ok!?!" I tried to speak but nothing came out. The next morning I was woken up by my alarm and I didn't remember anything that happened tonight. All that I know is I have a killer headache and puffy eyes.  

"Nathan do you know what happened last night?"

"You had another anxiety attack, you scared me"

"I'm sorry Nathan I don't mean to I have a lot on my plate right now and I can't find my journal!"  He made me sit down and talk to him for a bit before he had to leave for a meeting. 

"Jillian what happened last night, why did you have an attack?" 

"I never feel worth it and I never feel pretty enough" 

I couldn't say anymore so I ran into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and I didn't even know what to do. I came out and I fainted and hit my head on a chair. Nathan had left so I had nowhere to go and no one to call. I stayed on the floor until Brittany came over with Max. "Max, call 911 right now, there is something wrong with Jillian!!"

I got to the hospital and all I saw were lights and people I felt a pain in my head. I woke up and I saw the doctor come over to me.

 "Good morning Miss Everett, do you know why you are in here?" 

"No Sir." 

"You fainted and you cut your head open and you need to get stitches. You're going to have a scar there." 

I felt a hand touch my hand and I knew it was Nathan because I know how he felt.  

"Jillian, how are you feeling? I rushed over here to see you. Brittany called me and I had Elizabeth and Tom drive me. I just want you to be ok!" 

I tried to talk. "If you want to know everything look in my journal that you have, yes I know you have it but I'm not mad I know you want to help me"

{Jillian's Journal Entry}

‘Dear Journal,

As you know I’ve just graduated high school and I’m free. Free from all the bullying. For 6 years now I’ve been cyber bullied and I was mentally bullied. Fat jokes and name calling came pouring in every day of every week. When would it end? I can't do this anymore. I went to Facebook and it said you have 1 new message I look at it and it says..... 

Message from ******* 

‘You're so UGLY every time you look at yourself I'm the mirror, you break it. You're so FAT every time you step on a scale it says ERROR. You eat so much. You stuff your face with marshmallows and every time you see food on a TV you eat the cable box. You look like Shrek.’

That message scarred my life. I couldn't handle the pain to I did something to hide the pain. I'm saying goodbye and I love you! Whoever reads this Please remember I'm always there and I love you!’

 I had kissed the page with red lipstick.  

I saw Nathan and he had tears in his eyes. He felt so bad that he didn't know what was happening to me when he was gone. He wished he could’ve done something earlier.  

"Jilly, I have to go but I will call you later on tonight."

"Ok.”

As he left I really wanted to get out of that hell hole. All I did was sit there and listen to music. I didn't eat because I didn't want to. I had a big dinner the night I was admitted, but I didn't eat the rest of the week.  

My best friend Kailey came to pick me up from the hospital. My friend Kailey liked Nathan a lot I couldn't blame her. She was a little jealous of me but that's ok because Nathan would go for her before he would go for me.

When we got back Brittany and Elizabeth were at my house to welcome me home. I was grateful to see them! Elizabeth and Brittany were the girls I had met at the first concert I went to and I'd gotten really close to them over a few months. Elizabeth was sweet and nice, and she would help you with almost everything. I also thought she was perfect with Tom. Brittany was like my sister! We both like Nathan but that’s ok, if Nathan likes her she can have him. Brittany is a total sweetheart. She was there whenever you needed her.

 Later in the night the boys came over. We had a date. Nathan and I, Elizabeth and Tom, Georgie and Jay, Brittany and Max, Kailey and Seev, and Big Kev came with us. We went to dinner and then had a couple drinks. After dinner Nathan came over again. He saw there were a couple bandages on my arms. He made me show him and he was pretty upset.

"I'm really sorry. I hate myself for it but I didn't know what to do."