Mrs Pathan (On hold)

1|Elam

"Home is not a place...it's a feeling"

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"It's final decision of our elders we have to send her to his home , it's already too late "

My soul shattered at the whispers. They were planning on my nikahh ceremony. Their Words were playing in my mind ,again and again like a mantra.

After all this time .Once the villa I had called Home.. his home.. our home.

Again, I was going to that home again.

Warm tears filled my dry eyes, as the words of my elders from next room sinked in straight to my cold still heart. They were piercing my ears and bleeing my soul . Nothing made me bleed red after what I have been through. But this , I could see my world crashing before me again. Seeing that bridge broken down in the middle far for me to reach forward. I was powerless in front of my elders, his family and him - he destroyed my little world just for his promise and honour of his family.

It felt ice-cold .My large royal room was decorated with shining moon- light . Glancing at the window I saw the full moon up in it's full glory. Mesmerized with shine and light, I tried to reach it with my bare hands decorated with small thin gold bracelet . But moon tonight was far away. Just like Ammar and our world . Silent tears came down freely, a overwhelming feeling started gnawing inside me, realising that the moonlight was drifting away from me and it was far away to soothe my aching pain.

Empty and lonely.

Waves of chilly wind, howling in each corner of room. This was nightmare, I was living with for five years, with my days empty , and nights lonely for me praying to the Almighty for his forgiveness and prayer for freedom from this curse that was with me from that day - Five years ago.

Clock struck it's midnight bell and hour came making my wish fulfilled and waiting finish. Only peaceful hour of my nights. Daily. Bubbling sob ripped from within , feeling weak to face him after today's news. He left me all alone in this world, I was breathing but never living. As light footsteps entered my cold room, I played with my golden bracelet too coward to face him.

"...Elam " Strong voice spoke in the dark night as a tall figure appeared in, with the glowing lantern on side wall flamed red making a clear path for the familiar figure . I tried swallowing down the lump in my dry throat. A burning like feeling developed in the pit of stomach .

"You are too harsh on my gift , Elam. It's too delicate" he chuckled clearly remembering the first anniversary gift he gave me.

It was the same day I gave him the news of our baby- Jr Ammar. He blessed me with his teary twinkling eyes and thanked the Almighty in Sujud.

" ...Masha'Allah Elam " his heavy voice vibrating in the silence of my room .His rough cold hands caressed my blushing checks lightly. Inhaling his scent which were making our memories alive.

Seeing him in his traditional Pashtun shawl against his large body and his ruff black hair done neatly. A smile plastered his features making me weak . The large wedding ring remained in his large neat fingers, sparkling against the dark light. The ring I gifted him. As our wedding present.

"They want me to marry again. Wallah Ammar , how can I ? Every night I dream of you. Praying for us...... you. I know that now you're not mine you have returned back to your creator but you have left me weak and alone .Your death....I can't do this. Not anymore. Five years Ammar, five years . I am not that women any more. I can't live knowing that now I will be married .. again to him. I will become wife again but not yours. I have gone crazy thinking that you'll hate me forever. I've only loved you too much.. Wallah..." I whispered as my heart felt heavy with each word .

A soft feathered kiss on my forehead, made me blink back. I closed my eyes remembering how he use to calm me down with single soft kiss on my forehead and brushing my baby curls behind . I wanted to feel that warm kisses , his strong arms around my waist, his addictive cologne but it was not him anymore.

He was not my Husband anymore.

As he stared down at me everything around me felt, as though it was disappearing in to oblivion. That Adoring Gaze. A single strand of his black hair fell on his shining forhead. His dark eyes filled with dancing moonlight and his handsome face morphed into a secret smile. He was the very air I breathed for a long time. My gaze never shifting from him, drinking him in , afraid that he would disappear from my sight.

"I'll always love you.. Elam, but it's time to move on. Remember your life should go on. With or without me" He whispered sitting beside me, his face nearing mine. A sad smile plastered his features as I turned around not wanting to look at him. He had accepted that I should move on as another man's wife. How?

He accepted our fate. A tiny voice murmured and my heart weeped again on my fate.

Warm tears stinged my eyes seeing his eyes glistened with tears , before he winked and brushed his fingers on my cheeks and he chuckled ,"Elam. I'll always love you. This my promise to you - up to Jannat-ul-firdose."

Our hour was over .

A Silent Cry escaped from my mouth and I slipped down to the ground. It felt that now he too will remain deaf to my pleading. Like rest of the world around me. It was decided - He won't come to visit me again. Ever.

I won't be his wife after tonight. My identity as his widow will fade with rising of the sun tomorrow painting the skies with it's mesmerizing combination.