If I Could Live Again

CHAPTER 13

The sky was tainted with darkness as the sun began to hide its light. Blazing rays of the sun that controlled the coldness of the air brought about was nowhere to be found.

“Nero, can you connect me to the Duke. I need to know what they’re up to”, Elin sat at the chair thinking about the plan. She didn’t call the Duke her “Father” anymore.

Elin was 15 years old when she accidentally heard her parents talking in their room. She went their to personally bring the news of her current Rank in the academy.

Eventhough Elin was still young, she did her best to be at the top. She tripled her time on her academics to fulfill what was expected of her. Elin was only average. Thus, she struggled to crawl her way up to the highest rank.

“What’s with that child of yours? Why couldn’t she do something extraordinary. She’s basically average. How can we find a suitor to marry her off?”, Duchess Scylla grumbled as she combed her hair.

“My child? You told me to accept that child we picked up within the territory. You kept on ranting because of your jealousy with the others who already have their own”, the Duke retorted.

“Well, if I had known that Elin was that useless, I could have abandoned her right there”, Duchess Scylla stood up and went straight to bed.

Elin stopped listening to them and ran away. She went back to her room and shut the door. She slumped against the wooden furniture and sat down crouching. She couldn’t believe the words her parents uttered.

For more than eight years, as she began to receive tutorial lessons from some private tutors,

she did her best for her parent’s approval.

She did her best for them to just look at her and tell her a job well done.

She did her best because maybe her mother will be happy and she can finally feel her warm hug.

She did her best because maybe she might see her father’s warm smile towards her.

That she can finally eat her meal with them.

That she can finally go out for a summer vacation and have fun with them like those family she always saw while riding the carriage.

But, NO!

She did her best for the wrong people.

People who will forever treat her as an outsider.

People who can never see her worth.

That no matter how much she tried her best, it will never be enough.

She always thought that something was definitely wrong with her.

That everything was her fault.

That her very existence was for naught.

She blamed herself for not meeting her parent’s expectations of her.

She felt frustrated for being average.

Elin was jealous of those people who were talented because no matter how much she tried to do everything, it’s STILL. NOT. ENOUGH.

She was a jack-of-all trades, but a master of none.

A person who can do anything but is replaceable when someone better than her shows up.

“I give up. I’m tired. I really am. I don’t think anyone will understand how tiring it is to always act like you’re okay. To always act like you’re strong but in reality you’re not. That you’re already close to the edge. That you’re already breaking apart slowly. I’m done! I’m through! I’m tired. I really am”,Elin muttered while crying her heart out.

She didn’t accept the feeling of loneliness back then when her parents wasn’t around. She always understood that they were busy managing their land.

But now, Elin was more lonely than usual for she knew she didn’t belong here. The dukedom was never her home to begin with. She tried to think of a way to search for her real parents but she wasn’t able to do so. Elin didn’t know where to begin the search.

Thus, she ran away with Nero. That was the first time they went to the forest of Rever. The time that she met a loving family that treated her like she’s part of them. A family that helped her stand up again when she was crawling to the ground. A family that gave her the strength to accept the truth and move forward.

So instead of sulking, she continued living for herself. As her rank began to drop in the academy, her parents treated her worse than usual but she didn’t falter. She got tired of trying to please those people who didn’t even treat her as their own child, blood-related or not.

She tried to live her life. Elin continued the struggle of surviving the high society. She wanted to prove to them that she will not back down to anything that comes her way.

Until one fateful day, when Elin was staying at the forest, she connected the shadow to her parents. She began monitoring their activities as Elin planned on freeing herself from the clutch of her parents. The prince arrived at their mansion to talk about an urgent matter.

“Greetings, Your Royal Highness! To what do I owe you the pleasure of your sudden visit, Prince Ansel?”. The duke welcomed the prince but Ansel just sat down and stared at them not saying a single word for a few minutes.

“I have a proposal for you and I know you won’t say “NO” to this”, Ansel smiled wickedly as he handed out some documents. The Duke was stunned as he read through the papers. He couldn’t believe what he saw. Of all people, it had to be the prince.