Her eyes ate mine, intimidating yet intimidated. When she hovered over me, she was snowfall at its calm, heavy and frosty flakes burying me alive. I sunk back, everything swept away from underneath me, there was nothing left to hold on to. As her hand squeezed the life out of my throat, to the point where I saw hot white flash in my vision, only then did I feel truly alive.
I gasped for air, surfacing from the depth of the tides. The sun boiled around me, I did not long for its warmth anymore, I longed for the sharp pain of the frozen, paralyzing me motionless. When she touched me, I lived in eternal winter, or the time between night and dawn. But I was finally allowed to fall, head first, and the crash was always worth the wait.
"Why won't you just disappear?" She whispered, but sharply. My eyes rolled down to give her the glare she had wanted. She tried to push me away, all the while pinning me down. We were two crossed strings, and a hypocrite like her could never untie them. What a twisted fate it was, us, two weeds that should have wilted but never did. We should never have met.
In the morning I would no longer know her.
People said I was a troubled girl, but they could not understand my troubles, they could not even understand why they saw me as problematic. It was not out of fear, not out of isolation, but due to curiosity. They did not know, nor did they know that they wanted to know. Many had wanted to see me drop and decay, it never failed to provoke them that I was still breathing. But sometimes I stopped to think that maybe I was no longer breathing, but rather - fleeting, struggling. And it was all the same.
The less I spared glances at her, the more I could feel her eyes dig into me. Those moments of release when she let her tongue slip were like spilt milk, and she tried to wipe it off, lick it clean, but it never came off. Absolutism, that was not what she wanted to be associated with, yet I reminded her of it every time. Her fluidity, her ability to readjust to any situation and any person, it was beneath me.
I did not admire her, nor did she admire me, neither of us shared those kinds of thoughts. The more we showered the other with hatred and violence, the more would come flying back, and that's why we could not stop. The waves brought more sand to our feet, our weight pushing us deeper into the heat. Knowing that I was not the one that she wanted, but the only one who could give her what she wanted, set me free.
"Don't give me that face", She spat. I let my head fall back, looking away from the fire. We were at the beach again, sat on the two sunbeds. We would always end up there.
