searching of my amirah seeking of true love

words of pain

In that group we just chat about future goals and objectives. I asked them to share meaningful things . Because I had idea to do anything after gaining my degree.because I wasn't had any income.But I had a big faith. Because of Allah.Then for the sacrifice I mad that group because Maybe they can also can help in futur.First I thought much to include boys and girls in a same group because of their privacy.But after that I did add them. For muslims I did create another group too. In that group we discussed about Islam and things related to it.But I had the same life with my sister. I didn't had a free time as I wish .I had responsibility too. After finishing some works .I did take a little rest.unknowingly I slept because of tiredness.Then I heard some sound with that sound I waked up.it was my phone ringing.I answered to the phone .But it didn't heard clearly .Then I asked him to chat on WhatsApp. That was a friend's brother jazeer .I was happy to talked with him and I greet with him Salam and ask him about his health.
But I didn't get a proper response.
The conversation gone like this.
"what the hell are you doing ?.are you thinking I don't know anything .? You must be careful. What the hell you put as a profile pic.
Why my sister and Amna in your profile pic...
Remove it.
I know you earlier that's why I am leaving you without doing anything.
If you again cross your limits you want to face problem"
With a raised voice he speaked. I became so sad .it was like broken to parts .
I replied "it is for my memories"
But he said " you don't want to disturb my sister anymore "and gone
Then with a heavy heart I removed that profile pic.if I said the truth that is not a single photo it's a collage .that had more than 50 photo.In that photos there was 2 or three photos with hijab .even that photo is not sawing the face.just a photo with backside . Even it's too smaller .for find that photo someone wants to zoom that photo.a photo of her naphew .who was one year old that time. That girl was my friend .
My first good friend who I met in the English course. I didn't had closer friends to say about my sadness.she was the one who knew everything about me.I didn't talk with girls before.she is the my friend as a girl . Maybe because of that I felt her friendship as a relationship with me.
But it was the place I miss understood. Then I decided to tell my love to her.because she was be with me every sad moments. She told she didn't love me .she just helped me as a friend also as a brother.also she told she was loving someone else.But after that too we been like friends. One day i asked a photo of her.Because I just wanted to kept them as memories.but she didn't prefer to give. I only had a photo which is not with her face. after that we became little distance.We didn't talk with her for long time .
His brother scolded me after showing my profile picture of mine.
But I felt so much sad because.even if she didn't want she could have tell it to me .
Because we was so good friends.☹️ .also he is younger than me .I didn't do anything wrongly .
After she didn't prefer to accept my love. I just wanted to forget that and wanted to move on.But why she told him that I was disturbed her.💔.

I became so upset.i felt like something burned inside😭🥺. I felt that much sadness . I told my self I wouldn't forgive his brother anymore also I won't talk with her anymore.
And I blocked his brother's number and delete her number too🥺💔.But I couldn't feel better that day.Tear was falling from my eyes😭💔.
Then kept my head In pillow and start crying.
I felt like I wanted to hug someone and cry.
There is no one accept Allah who can help me.
"Ya Allah as I know I didn't do any mistakes or hurt others. I didn't know the different between a relationship and friendship with girl .ya Allah forgive me.give me the best in my life. Ya Allah I was asked everything because to get my dreams success.ya Allah forgive my wrongs😭. Make me strength.ya Allah even if there were see me as a friend they could say it with nice words.ya Allah but why they did like that.
I really had a respect and love for them.But they totally break me apart.Ya Allah give me the best thing in my life"
With that words I slept..
I felt so tired .it felt like a dead person.