Dangerous Love {Freddie Mercury Fanfic}

Chapter Twenty-Six: Goodbyes

At the day passed by, I had cleaned the entire flat and even managed to take a long warm shower and shaved my entire body. I had some facial masks I had bought, so I carefully smeared the green cream all over my face, letting it sit for 30 minutes.

I jumped onto my bed and pulled my phone out. 

"Dear diary,

It's been far too long, my apologies. I need to update more, to keep tabs on everything. The past couple of days has been crazy, I don't even have the right words to describe it. 'Queen' held two concerts at the Hammersmith and Roger asked me to fill in with the piano, so I did. Which was an incredible experience! He even dragged me onto the stage, but I think I managed to cover my face. Wouldn't want any pictures taken of me, it's too risky. Freddie's been such an asshole, but.. I failed. I failed and I'm so sorry. I slept with him, I couldn't help it! We.. Have this special connection, I can't describe it. It was the greatest night of my life, but it's one of the worst as well. I know I can't have him, he can't be mine and I can't be his. Prenter will screw up the band, but they'll bounce back and he will get with Jim. I can't change history, doesn't matter if it's a dream or not. I'm not that kind of person. But yet.. The feelings. They're undeniable. Sigh, I don't know what to do. I miss my life, but being around the guys, sort of completes me. I'm so scared every time he leaves, it feels like it's the very last, I'll see him and I hate it. Should I end things and try to come back, or embrace this and just go with it?

I looked down at the wall of text I had written down and felt sad. Freddie's been so amazing and I.. I love him. I love him so much, but I can't change the history, no matter how much I want to, I simply can't.

Am I supposed to go back to 2019 and live my life as if nothing happened? I don't think I can do that. I opened a new tab and wrote down my feelings, I had to get them back, somehow.

"Dear diary,

I can't do it. It hurts too much. Not knowing when I'm going away from here, it's a constant cloud hovering over me. I need to end things with Freddie, he'll be fine. He will go on with his life without me anyways, so why am I dragging this out? I will only hurt myself more if I let this go on. If you love one, then you have to let them go. Right? I need to let him go. So he can continue with his journey. And I, with mine. In the future. I need to end it and find a way back. This will be my final post. Goodbye.

Tears streamed down my cheeks and wetted my shirt. It was as though my heart was breaking and that I'd leave with this void in my heart, a void that could never be filled. 

I also need to talk to Anthony, explain him all of this. End it with him on a good note, he is a great guy after all and I care for him dearly. I walked over to the phone and ask him to meet up with me. 

"Anthony speaking,"

"Anthony! Hi, please don't hang up. I need to talk to you"

My voice was shaking but I had to stay strong. 

"What do you want?"

"Please, can I stop by?"

"I'm about to leave for the pub,"

"Great, I'll meet you there!"

I hung up the phone and rushed up to get ready. I threw on my 2019 outfit, added some perfume and makeup before I hopped into a taxi. 

Before I knew it, I was standing at the door to Anthony's pub. I felt my stomach turn and took a few deep breaths, before I opened the big door. Smoke had filled the room as the usual drunks were here, drinking.

Anthony was wiping few glasses clean up at the bar so I rushed over to him. His beautiful face looked so sad, all I wanted was to pull myself into his embrace and beg for forgiveness. He doesn't deserve this. He's an amazing guy, I don't deserve him.