Unspoken

Alarm Clock

I wake in a panic every morning. Sweating, crying; tears streaming down my face, screaming for a way out, for some type of sanity. I look at my phone. You still haven't texted me. You just get so used to those three simple words. "Good morning beautiful." Oh how many times you would say that to me and how many mornings I took it for granted. Now my soul aches for that sense of beauty I used to have. I guess I'm not beautiful anymore. (Please just text me.) Wait no, i guess its okay because no morning is good unless I am waking up next to you.

Two o'clock the school bell rings. It's time to go home. Where is that? I used to find my home in you. Comfort, safety, protection from the real world. You're gone now, you've moved on and I can't seem to forget my old adress (I mean how could I, when you gave me so much to remember?), although one thing I don't remember is how to get to you; how to make you happy. I don't remember where to find you or where I'd even begin to look. It used to come so easy to me, Nearly every breath i breathed led me straight to your door. But it's not easy anymore and no global positioning system can get me to you. Trust me I've tried.

It's a three in the morning can't sleep, I'm dying without your warm breath on the back of my neck, it's an insomniatic state of mind. My body begs for sleep, to be reenergized, to be able to survive for one freakin' nights sleep and I just can't give that to myself. My thoughts are slowly eating me alive, starting with my cerebellum. Pretty soon I'll be gone too.

Constantly I'm reminded of you. A song on the radio, a crack in the sidewalk, or initials engraved in the picnic table at the local park (I go there when I feel most lonely to run my fingers in what used to be my world). I mean yeah, this goes on all of the time. It doesn't matter what time it is; a 9 a.m. good morning, a 2 o'clock in the afternoon reminder, Or a three in the morning thought. It's never ending. It's an infinity of triggers, bombs ready to be set off, signals and signs pointing me downwards, my whole life is going in reverse because I miss you. The walls I built around my heart, you tore down and rebuilt around you; around us. And I'm trapped in your security system, stuck inside some inevitable trap, held together by an iron padlock. A building I could never escape without giving myself up first. The problem is I dont know who I am anymore, I don't know if there is anything left to give up. I mean my body is here, but my mind is somewhere else.