Unspoken

Heights

You binded me up with compliments, with golden lace and string. You built my ego up so much and I was so greatful. The first evening we ever spent together was the first night that I ever meant anything to someone. The next day I saw a change in me, I think you saw a change in me too. I carried myself differently, I talked differently, I thought differently.

There was a swing in my step, a boost in my heel. When I walked down my front porch steps at 6:48 a.m. I couldn't help but smile. And then at 9:47 a.m. in class I raised my hand. I was never confident in my own thoughts, in my words, in my feelings. He told me I was wrong everyday of my life, but you showed me that he never proved his statement to be true and I could be right, if I let myself free from the shackles that had binded me for so long. And then at 3:48 p.m. when the rain came down in frozen spheres of ice and my mother's garden of daisies and tulips were beaten into the ground. When gray clouds hovered over the entire western hempisphere. I thought of it as a new start instead of a fatal storm. The lightning wasn't a murderous trap but a brilliant, intriguing light show and the thunder wasn't just something withdrawing me from my nap, it was a symphony of varying sounds and instruments. I sat outside waiting for the rainbow. You see I thought differently. It wasn't a matter of 'I'm gonna die' but 'I'm gonna be okay'.

You  held my hand all of the time. You held it like a concerned parent as I crossed the street. You held it like a friend, a personalized handshake. You held it like a stranger, an "I'm so glad I met you, it really was my pleasure." firm grip. And you held it like a lover. Intertwined, soft, gentle, showered with kisses and with a promise. "I will never leave." And we would walk hand in hand down the paved sidewalks under the light of the flickering street lamps and twinkly stars. And we would walk down the gravelly back roads lit by the beating sun, in the shade of the old buildings. We walked up mountains and down hills. Boy we went so far together and every time I stumbled or hesitated I would get back on track because I always knew that I had you to fall back on. You'd always said you'd be there to catch me.

You hoisted me up on your shoulders, You carried me in your arms. We took on life together. The problem is the day

we walked to the highest peak and looked out over the edge of the cliff, was the day I decided to listen to you. "Don't worry I'll catch you, my dear." I took one step and held my breath and let myself fall. I fell for you so hard and you weren't there to catch me. "I will never leave."? Bull shit.

(Sometimes I think I can feel the warmth of your hands pressing in around my fingertips, but then I wake up.)