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6/28/17
THE PHONE RINGS as I wait for my mom to answer with an eager grin spread across my still burnt lips. It's been over a week since I last talked to my mother and I miss her like crazy. My toes sink into the warm sand as I continue to walk near the water. I watch as the sea rushes up to brush my bare ankles as the sun begins to set.
The toasty evening sun splashes against the sky in a mixture of pink and orange streaks. There's a light breeze that trails against my cheeks and my bare legs in a salty whisper. I'm still in my sundress from the day but I grabbed a cardigan before I came out knowing the evening can bring a chill with it.
It's weird how quickly I've acclimated to the weather down here in southern Florida. I'm from the north, I know what real cold weather is like. But when the evenings drop to the low seventies boarding in the high sixties I instinctually grab for a light jacket now when back home I'd be dawning shorts and a tank commenting about the great weather.
How quickly things have changed.
An image of Colt's dark eyes and warm smile flashes in my head and sends a chill down my spine that has nothing to do with the breezy night air. My eyes squeeze shut for a moment as I think of just a few days ago when I was lying in Colt's bed watching him be himself without any fear of judgement from the ones who usually surround him.
He let down his shield and in a way it made me lower mine, even if just an inch.
He's my biggest contradiction. He makes me feel comfortable yet on edge. He makes me feel nervous yet at ease. He makes me feel invincible and like I can be anything and to never feel ashamed but he also reflects my every fear in his dark brown eyes.
The line trills once more before it clicks, drawing my attention from the man who continues to haunt me even when he's not around. "Hey honey," my mother's chirpy voice rings out through the speaker.
My smile grows at the sound. "Hi mom."
I hear her moving around and I just know she's making dinner. I can perfectly envision the old white apron I gave to her when I was five tied around her waist featuring my colorful handprints splattered about. "How have you been?" she asks and I can't help but wonder what she's making tonight. She has always been an amazing cook and I was lucky to grow up with such great tasty food for every meal. Even when times were tough she would still whip together something special just for me.
A heavy sign flutters from my lips. "Good...fine," I trail, unable to hide my true feelings even when I attempt to bury them deep, deep down.
"Honey what's wrong?" my mom questions and I can hear the concern reflected in her voice.
"Nothing," I push back not even knowing where to begin in actuality. There's so much wrong. I have a huge secret hanging over my head. I'm developing these confusing feelings for a man who is the exact opposite of who I always thought I'd end up with. I still feel confused and lost even though it's been almost two months since graduation and everyone around me is figuring out what they want to do with their lives.
