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6/2/17
MY EYES PAUSE on my reflection in the mirror of the bathroom.
My eyes stop on the black one-piece bathing suit I'm wearing. Nothing special, understated, easy to pass over. And nothing like the expensive lingerie I own in secret. Pieces of hand crafted artwork that sit stowed away where none of my friends can stumble across them.
"Maxine!" Hayley's voice calls out for me from downstairs.
My gaze lingers on the simple clothes I dawn. The bathing suit suddenly rubs my skin the wrong way. It grazes and sits awkwardly and begs to be torn away. To wear in its place the mauve string bikini I bought on a whim before this trip.
But the ever-familiar and unwanted sensation of unease and fear weaves its way through me. Unease and fear of being judged, of being looked at differently, of disappointing my friends and of course my mother.
I've always been quiet; shy even at times. I've never been one to stand out and draw attention to myself. Especially after my father left. My entire life has been about being the best I can be for my mother. Proving that I can be who she raised me to be, and not the flake my father proved to be.
I quickly shove away the heady feelings that cloud my thoughts before tossing on a white crochet cover-up. "Coming!" I shout back with a sigh as I grab my tote and sunglasses.
I make my way downstairs taking two steps at a time and round the corner to see my best friends standing at the kitchen talking. They are both dressed and ready for the beach day we have planned.
"Here," Grayson says as soon as she spots me. She turns to grab a beach towel off the counter before tossing it at me.
"Thanks," I murmur holding the large neon orange towel close to my chest.
Hayley pulls her dark hair up into a messy bun. "Ready for some day drinking?" she asks us letting her faint green eyes flicker between us both.
"Ready," I nod with a smile.
"Always," Grayson beams before pulling her sunglasses down from her hair so they now rest on her nose.
Hayley and I each grab a handle of the large blue cooler filled with drinks, and follow Grayson out the back door to her house. As soon as we step outside the sun hits us like a spotlight. My fair skin instantly becomes flush at the sweltering heat. The sand flies around us as my flip-flops kick it up with each step we take leading us closer to the ocean. She lives right on the beach and it's so perfectly beautiful I'm almost jealous this was where her family vacationed for majority of her childhood.
We walk down a ways to settle at a more social part of the beach that is less secluded than the area right behind her house.
Hayley and I drop the cooler with a thud as soon as we find the perfect spot for the three of us. All of us begin to unpack and set up our area for the day. We lie out our towels, set up an umbrella, and connect the small Bluetooth speaker to start playing Hayley's summer playlist.
