not my type

blooming (pt.ii)

"You're WHAT?!"

You know that slight panic you get into when you're friend surprises you with shocking news that you're not even sure how you're supposed to react to, because it could either be really good or completely terrible? That was Lisa's exact situation at the present.

Rosie was pregnant.

Roseanne Park, her best friend, her soulmate, her better half, her sister from another mister, her beautiful chipmunk was dirty diapers goo-goo gaga pregnant, and Lisa suddenly forgot how to speak. Her brain stopped functioning and all she could hear over and over in her head was the word 'pregnant'. Just what was she supposed to say? Was her friend happy about it? Did she even want to be a mother? This wasn't a puppy or a new phone they were talking about, this was a goddamn baby!

A real baby.

"Congratulations..?" Lisa hesitated.

Rosé looked up at Lisa – her bottom lipped trapped in between her teeth and her eyes brimming with unshed tears that threatened to spill any moment now. Sighing in relief, a small smile tugged at her lips, and Lisa returned the gesture unsure, as they both sat down on Rosé's bed.

"Hey" Lisa's voice suddenly soft and full of concern. "Rosie, what's wrong?"

Rosé shook her head from side to side, still unable to speak without feeling like she'd break down and she swallowed the lump in her throat. A single tear rolled down her cheek and she looked up to the ceiling with an ironic laugh.

"God, it feels so good to finally say that" Rosé said to no one in particular. "You have no idea how this had been eating at me for the past week and a half"

Lisa scooted closer to her friend, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"Does Jimin know?"

Rosé shook her head again.

"He was very busy before the holidays and now it's kind of hard to do that when we're surrounded by his family all the time. His mom has been throwing me weird looks every time I felt like I was going to get sick, and I had to come up with a new excuse every day. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if she suspects it."

Lisa remained quiet. Simply taking Rosé's hand in hers, she squeezed lightly, urging her to continue.

"I don't know what I'm going to do" Rosé confessed, looking down at their entwined fingers and wiggling them a bit. "Jimin is going to hate me"

"What?"

"He will be mad at me" she repeated, this time her voice breaking ever slightly. "He doesn't even want us to move in together yet; how is he going to react when I tell him I forgot to take my pill once and bam! I'm pregnant."

"Chaeng..."

"No, Lisa" she cut her off with a bitter laugh, placing her free hand over her lower belly. "You don't understand. This is – this is my baby. I would never do any harm to my baby; and I don't know how to explain it, but this baby is a miracle. He or she is a part of me, and I love them already. I love them with all my heart. I can't even think of killing my baby or giving it to somebody else. But... but what if I have to raise them alone? What if he leaves me and doesn't want to be a part of this baby's life because I fucked up? What am I going to do then? I don't want my baby to grow up without a father, knowing it's all because of me. Knowing that I was stupid and careless and it's all my fault that they don't get to have a daddy to pick them up from school and teach them how to ride a bike, and to play sports together. What am I going to do, Lisa?"

And as those last words left her mouth, Rosé broke down into a heartbreaking sob. Immediately wrapping her arms around her, Lisa pulled her closer to her body and Rosé buried her face in her chest. And Lisa knew better – she knew Rosé got it all wrong and that Jimin was so infinitely in love with her best friend, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Lisa knew Jimin would be absolutely delighted when he found out, but what was she supposed to do? She couldn't ruin the surprise, but she couldn't let her friend wallow in self-deprecation either. It was all too overwhelming.