Bungou Stray Dogs One-Shots

Disinterest - PM!Dazai Osamu

Day one of @givethispromptatry's (Tumblr) Creatober 2020.

Summary: You could say Dazai has no reason to live, therefore, no interest in it either...

"There's nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering."

Warning(s): Suicide Themes

Word Count: 886

Note: So this (absolutely) mayyyyy stray from the prompt just a little bit (honestly I'm reluctant to post this for Creatober just for that reason). This was the first thing I came up with when I thought about what to write for this. It's also the first time I'm writing Dazai... Well, either way enjoy!

~~~

Tonight Lupin's was vacant, no one besides himself and the bartender lingering around. Though, that was to be expected considering the late hour Dazai decided to visit the establishment.

The young executive frequented this place a lot, so often that the man behind the bar already knew what he was going to order. Always the same with him- straight whisky. All the male had to do was give the slightest indication he wanted it and he'd have it.

Nodding, his usual drink was set in front of the brunet as soon as he sat down, the ball of ice clinking gently against the glass. A single trickle of precipitation rolled down the side, encircling the bottom of the cup when it reached it, no doubt leaving a very present mark on the fine wood.

That is, if he lifted it.

Dazai didn't though, unintentionally opting to stare at the floating frozen water instead, losing himself in a deep trance accompanied by his unrelenting thoughts.

What was he living for again? The answer wasn't coming to mind right away, nor did he think it actually would. It wasn't a question he entertained a lot, there never really was a reason to. Though right now, he decided he would, just for the hell of it.

Was it so he could one day take down Mori and become the leader of the Port Mafia? It's the first thing to come to mind, but that might be just because he got off work a little while ago, a conversation with said man having taken place too. Regardless, it was plausible.

No... no it actually wasn't. Dazai has zero desire for such trivial things. If anything, being swamped with all the paperwork that comes with the job would only rob him of the very little fun he has now.

A sip of whisky, Dazai thinks a little deeper.

Is it possibly the boy that was assigned as his subordinate, later becoming his mentee? No, that wasn't it either. He was getting closer, definitely feeling something towards the weaker individual. It wasn't anything to keep him around though. What emotion sparked in his chest upon think of Akutagawa was akin to... irritation.

'He always goes right for the kill, you'll get no where information wise if you do that...'

At the end of the day nothing special connected the two. If Akutagawa was to fail a mission and die, Dazai wouldn't care. Hell, he himself has pulled the trigger on the boy a couple times before. "This is what men like me do to their useless subordinates..."

Another sip.

It seemed Dazai's life was greatly lacking in pleasantries, few things exciting him these days. Sure there was his favourite material things, crab and this one racing game he plays, but even they don't always give that rush of dopamine.

So what or who had hooked his interest, so much so that he's willing to keep breathing for just a little longer?

.

..

...

Perhaps it's Odasaku? He was the first to come to mind when Dazai asked himself that new question. The slightly older male always did have this weird sense of morals that Dazai could never quite figure out.

'Refusing to kill people? You're in the mafia for Christ's sake Odasaku...' it fit his character well though, Dazai thought. He couldn't see his friend taking a life as a simple pass time. Oda would do everything in his power so that he wouldn't have to pull that trigger. He took care of orphans and gave money to their guardian, it just isn't him to deal that kind of fate upon someone else.

Dazai sighs, picking up his glass, gentle swirling its contents.

At the same time though, he could not be the reason. Maybe Dazai is just missing his drinking buddy.

Even if the male wasn't the answer to the brunet's trivial question, if he suddenly disappeared, it truly could be the tipping point for him.

A few moments of silence passed, the thoughts and questions filling his head calming down with each chime of the clock. The eye he left uncovered glanced at the time, an hour or two having passed since he first walked in.

The male downed the remainder of his drink, payed what was owned and left. The door creaked open and the bitter January air nipped at his exposed skin, causing him to pull the coat he wore closer around his form. Dying by hypothermia wasn't exactly the way he wanted to go, it was just far too painful.

Stepping out of the alleyway that lead towards Lupin's, Dazai strolled absently down the sidewalk in the dead of night. Everything around him seemed to be painted in dull, monochrome shades. Somewhere along the trail his internal challenge from before returned with a final thought, fading away completely soon after.

If he didn't figure out his reason for living, the want to end it all would remain. Maybe it wouldn't matter at all in the end, a reason alone didn't guarantee he'd stay. He'd just lose it like he loses everything he holds of value in his life. It'd be beneficial to Dazai to not hang around any longer than needed.

It rings true that there's nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering.