A Blossom in the desert

Initiation

Smell of spices and sounds of simmer filled the entire house of Khadeja aljida's .After offering salah Aljida had brought Emaan at her house and despite Emaan's insistence ,Aljida had forbid her entry into the kitchen and asked Hassan to take her with him and engage her in  conversations. Emaan 's heart and mouth unceasingly whispered Alhamdulillah as no words other than that could suffice what Emaan felt at such drizzling love and care .As Hassan went back to his room to bring and show his big surprise to Emaan. Emaan's mind plunged into the sea of thoughts ...she knew her decision of resignation would invoke her contract of two years and she will have to pay heavy penalty because of it but she felt penalty was less of a loss then the anguish she was experiencing by staying here ...as her decision to come at this place was guided by her desire to heal her wounds but ironically her wounds were tarnished more and her supposedly healing ended up hurting & bleeding her more. But she also couldn't deny the tentativeness existing in her decision due to the attachment and love she had started feeling for the amazing people she had met here .Khadeja Aljida ,Hassan ,Mr &Mrs Rahman ,Abida and Adila ,Sidra ,Yamama and so many more ...but she wanted to leave....and her decision was not due to Khaled or his words rather it had stemmed out of her own weakness she had faced ,she felt she was not what her father imagined and hoped her to be... she was a weak person after all. Seeing vividly herself as a weak person yesterday had suck out every courage that she had donned to fight the world but how was she supposed to fight the world when she was miserably losing the fight against her own self. Her train of thought derailed when she heard Hassan ,

" Ukhti see ...I won trophy for best student "

Emaan beamed at him with admiration and checking his trophy said ,

" Masha Allah...I didn't knew Hassan is so intelligent ".

Raising his collars ,Hassan sat beside Emaan and said,

" Ukhti you don't know....I am very intelligent ...no knows English like me ....you know I didn't told Abba about this..."

"But why ....Jamal A'am would be so happy to know about this " Emaan said inquisitively.

( A'am means uncle in arabic )

" Because when he comes home this weekend ....I will jump before him and showing this will say surprise...and you ukhti record his face..." Hassan said  enacting all actions making Emaan giggle at his enthusiasm.

__________________________________________

After having her breakfast at aljida's place ,Emaan came back to her house and got ready for hospital and finally wrote her resignation letter. Hearing the car horn ,Emaan slid the envelope in her backpack purse and moved out. She felt a gnawing guilt in her heart and wished if only she could pray salat al istekhaara it would have been easy finalising her decision.

But  didn't I prayed salat al istekhaara while coming here and if I am here then it does mean it was Allah's will so if I go back isn't that be wrong.

Emaan inwardly groaned at the confusion and tentativeness of her mind. As she was about to sit in the car ,Aljida came and whiffed duas at Emaan, bringing back the memories of her mother. Overwhelmed by the love ,Emaan for a moment came out of her shell of shyness and hugged Aljida and smilingly sat in the car with her heart enacting like a see saw dipped a little in the favour of staying.

___________________________________________

Standing outside of the hospital ,Emaan's heart had dipped more in favour of staying , all motivated by Mr Rahman's care & concern which he had garnered at her all the way despite being tensed himself. But the love that motivated her to stay also instilled fear in her heart ,the fear of losing that love if they saw her beyond the facade she portrayed,if they saw that weak person she really is,she feared she will lose their love and before seeing that happen ,she wanted to leave ...