The Bad Boy Mate

Realization

Walking away from Roman was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, but I steeled myself, and did it anyway. It just had to be done. I had to stay away from the guy. He only wanted one thing from me, my notes. And I couldn't allow myself to be used like that. I had lot of self respect, and I valued myself far too much to allow myself to be used as an instrument for my notes.

I walked faster as a stream of tears started pouring down my face. Why? Why did it always have to happen to me? Why couldn't I get a guy to love me like everybody else? Maybe its because I am so ugly, and socially awkward. Why couldn't I be pretty and conceited, and wanted like the bitch I hated earlier? Sigh, I hate my life, and of course, I hate that skank, too. 

I angrily wiped away at the tears as they poured down my face, and went outside. I saw a tree and went to sit there so I could weep and feel unwanted in peace.

Roman, Roman, Roman.

The name rang again and again in my head. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get rid of it. Man, I had fallen, and I had fallen hard in love. How come I did not notice it when I was walking away from him? I wanted, no, I needed him by my side. I couldn't live without him, I couldn't breathe without him. He was my oxygen, my life support. How he could have done this in half a day seemed beyond me, but he had managed it somehow. 

And then, as the wind blew all around me, and the trees shook in it, the leaves rustled, birds chirped, I realized in slow motion, I was in true love with him. He was my one true love. Even though I had seen only his half naked torso, and had been having dirty thoughts about him constantly, I refuse to call myself a lusty person. Yes, one look at him, and I was in love.

For the very first time in my life.

My breath stopped short. I had a feeling of ache deep in my chest. I put my hands to it. Oh my god, why did it hurt so bad? Of all the hot guys that god had made, why couldn't I land myself one? Apparently, I was boring, annoying, socially awkward, emotionally insecure, ugly, and average or below average in all the other possible criteria, but hey, I was me! Why did the guys judge?

I leaned against a tree, and started to cry. I wanted to show the world I was strong and shit, but I couldn't control myself. I am strong person, I like to call myself strong, even though I end up crying in the movies, and every single even remotely emotional situation that encounters me. And of course, situations like these, where there is probably no point of crying, but still I do, to show everybody how victimized I am in this situation, and to gather some overall pity.

Moral of the story, I am a strong person, generally, so me crying is a big deal here. You better take it seriously.

I cried some more, hoping for some attention, but when I got none, I eventually stopped. Damn it. I should have known it all along. These kind of things do not happen to regular everyday girls ike me. They are too good to be true.

How could i have been so stupid?