Dear Corona

Chapter 5

            Friday the 3rd of April, 2020

Dear Corona,

Lately, I have a lot of time to think. To think about life, about choices that I've made, about the past few months. Is it true? That life onboard is a big illusion as they say? Because I never felt more alive than now. Would my life be different if my choice was to finish nursing school and to find job as nurse at home? I guess I would never be able to find a job as nurse without any connections in Montenegro. Maybe I would move back to US and had completely different life. The thing is, I am happy for the choices I've made. It's built me up as the person I am now, and I'm giving everything to be the best version of myself in every moment that comes in my way. All of these people I've met, all of these places I've visited, and the challenges I've lived through have transformed me into a great person. I have to admit, I have kind friends and I'm surrounded by kind people, and yet I still feel a little bit lonely. I miss something or someone to have those intimate moments without limits.

Thinking too much in room number 8456 is too much, sometimes. Nothing special happened. I ran out of cigarettes. Again. The first 3 hours were easy, but hour 4, hour 5, and hour 6 drove me insane. I was pacing with my headphones on, trying to focus on music. I started singing, at first loudly, then through whispers. I went through 8 hours without them. I decided to watch the tv show that they prepared for us, as it's going to continue until this situation ends. I called in and gave a shout-out to everyone that I know and to the whole world, but I sounded like robot. Or should I be more precise? I sounded like I was lost. Fucking hell.

After that I had really nice dinner and it looked really fancy. It was meat covered with some kind of mushroom sauce, with rice on the side made in a ball shape. I also got a salad and a few soda cans. I was so thankful. My stomach was full, and I could barely move out of my bed. I was lying down, looking at ceiling, remembering that at home I have a wooden ceiling with all those little patterns. When I was little kid, I used to look at those patterns and see the people in them. I had never figured it out. Later on, I realized that all those people I had saw on the ceiling showed up in my life and had a purpose to give me many enchanting memories, to teach me something new or just to teach me a lesson.

After few minutes, the buzzing in my head made me stand up. I knew something was going on. And it was. I heard Matthew's voice through the hallways. I got closer to the door and put my ear on it. His manly voice was talking fast, and I couldn't even try to understand him, I was just enjoying hearing him- the way he changes the tone of his voice and, oh my God, his laugh. At that moment somebody knocked at the door and made my ears were buzzing even more. I opened the door and it was Albert.

''Hi.'', he said silently and put the bag on the floor.

I nodded my head remembering my promise that I will never say ''Hi'' to him again. I was pissed off that it wasn't Matthew. I looked in the brown bag made of paper and everything was there except toothbrush that I have ordered. I called Nathalia just to report that I need my toothbrush. I was kind, I didn't complain because I am not that kind of person. I just let her know if she can send someone to bring it, I am not in hurry.

''No worries, sweetie.'', she said and hung up.

I was waiting for my order to come and I was thinking about him. The buzzing in my ears won't let me go. I wanted to hit my head on the wall just to make it stop, but I guess I would just end up with bruises, and still with buzzing in my ears. I heard knocking, and I ran to open the door. A toothbrush package was on the ground, and I got down to pick it up as the buzzing got stronger. Suddenly, I felt like a big wave hit me, I just fell down. I didn't faint, it was the buzzing that made me fall, I just couldn't concentrate and make my mind clear. Exactly at that moment, Matthew was there. He ran to help me, he didn't care about social distancing, he just took my hand and helped me stand on my feet. The buzzing vanished and I looked up at him and his deep green eyes. That moment lasted forever. I couldn't look at anything else.

''I shouldn't be here.'', I said and he nodded his head trying to clear his mind. He seemed lost for a moment.

''What the hell happened?'', he asked with worried tone in his voice.

''Nothing, I just fell over the door. I was trying to stop it from locking me out.'', I explained, lying about buzzing in my ears. He smiled.

''This is yours.'', he murmured giving me a toothbrush. ''Take care.'', he added now without any emotions on his face.

He just left really fast, disappearing from the corridor. I took a deep breath and went inside. I couldn't believe what just happened. I was shaking and my cheeks were red and really hot. I had to splash my face with cold water to calm down.

''Whaaaat?! Are you kidding me?'', Mayda said when I explained her over wire phone what just happened few minutes ago.

''I just can't believe it.'', I added, absentmindedly trying to fix the bedsheet on the other side.

''Are you Anastasia Steele or what?'', she asked and I started laughing.

''Now, this is my movie and I'm the producer of it.'', I explained and she gasped.

''Okay, just keep calm and let's think about something else, or you will have a heart attack, and I don't want to be a witness.'', she said.

''Hmm. Okay. Let's talk about you? Any news?'', I asked trying to focus on her story.

''Nope, I am just watching some movie about Catholic school and it reminded me of my childhood.'', she began and I knew that this was leading to her story. I was so excited to hear more about her.

''I was born in a small town in Peru. I grew up without father. I mean, my mother and father divorced when I was very little. I grew up in a family surrounded by women. My aunt sent me in Catholic school and I had really nice time there.'', she was talking and I interrupted her by asking a question.

''So, were they strict?'', I asked and I could hear her slowly smiling over a phone.

''No. They were fine. It is what it is. You have to pray and respect the rules. I've had one boyfriend but I think that I am better off alone. Every adventure is welcome as long as it is healthy for my mind and body. I have a dog and... Damn, I miss her a lot. Her name is Donna and I miss walking with her.''

She was talking and I could hear her voice flickering with sadness. I felt sorry for her, knowing what family and her dog means to her. She was far more emotional than I though. I guess this will teach me not to judge a person, even If I think I know them.

That night, I enjoyed a cigarette, and just like that, I started thinking again, about life. Music was softly touching my ears, it was Vivaldi composition that reminded me of a time before I got onboard. It was a time when I was innocent in so many ways, not knowing what was ahead of me.

Corona, I guess now you get to understand that it is not just about you. It is about all of us. We all have something that we carry from the past and I hope you will realize that very soon. Be a nice virus.

Love,

Calvin