End Up Here (Michael Clifford a.u.)

Chapter 15

My nightmares have been keeping me awake all night, and I can't stop crying. I've ignored Michael since we fought the other day, and I feel like shit because of it. I just don't know what to say to him. I have nothing to say but I guess he has something to talk about.

My phone rings again, and I know it's Michael. Who else would be calling me twelve times a day?

I grip tightly onto the front of one of his cut offs I had stolen a while back. I ball the material up in my fist and try not to remember how he looked when he was crying.

As many depressing things as we talk about, I've never seen Michael cry. It's so different to me. And I know it takes a lot for him to feel hurt or even angry. This is all my fault. If I wasn't so protective over him, this wouldn't have happened.

I reach over and check the voicemails. Just hearing his voice will hurt, but I need to know what he's saying.

Seven missed calls today.

"Makenna, I'm so sorry. I want to talk about this. You can't avoid me, and I need you to know how I feel. Call me back?"

"Please. I need to tell you. I miss you and I'm worried. Let me know if you're okay."

I go through four more similar voicemails, and then I listen to the last one.

"Makenna," he says quietly. His voice is shaking and it's obvious he's crying. "Listen, okay? We have to talk. You can't hide forever. I can't do this without you. It was selfish of me to push you aside. I don't know why I keep fucking up and doing the same thing. I'm scared. I'm really terrified one day you'll be gone with someone better, and you'll leave me behind and forget. I don't want us to fall apart because what we have is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I never want to let go of our late night conversations and our stupid arguments and how beautiful you look when you fall asleep in my arms..." He takes a shaky breath. "What you said before you left. I love you too. More than you think. I'm in love with everything you do and everything you are. Call me cheesy, but you're just so... breathtaking and perfect, and I still feel so lucky I found you. Please..."

With new tears running down my face, I call him back. He picks up quickly.

"Makenna," he says hopefully.

At the sound of his voice I let out a quiet sob. We say nothing for a moment, and I remember I'm home by myself again. I begin to feel lonely.

"Will you come over?" I ask quietly.

He sounds shocked. "Y- Yeah. Of course. I'll be there."

"Okay."

I hang up and await his arrival. This needs to be straightened out.

Within a few minutes I hear the front door open since we let Michael know where the spare key is. I stand up out of bed, probably looking like the human form of death, and he steps into my doorway. He stops and stares at me with swollen red eyes. His hair is messy and he looks exhausted.

I suddenly remember I'm wearing only his cut off and my underwear. But he doesn't seem to mind as I tackle him into a hug, crying into his chest.

"I missed you so much," he says. "I know it's been two days but I swear it was hell."

He kisses my forehead, letting his lips linger there. I begin to calm down and draw in shaky breaths. He rubs my back and pulls me impossibly close to him.

We decide to talk it out while cuddling on my bed. I lay my head on his shoulder, occasionally shifting slightly to place my lips on his neck or jaw and just listen to him spill out his emotions.

I think that no matter how mad we are at each other, we'd make up quickly because we can't stay away from each other. We can't keep our hands off.

"I'll try harder," he says quietly, staring up at my ceiling. "I swear I will. I'll do anything to keep you. One day I'll marry you and keep you in my life forever."

"I have to say yes first," I tell him. He smiles.

"Would you?"

"Yes."

"And we could buy a house together and have kids and a dog."

"But when we do live together, we're getting a dog before we have kids. It's good practice."

We're quiet for a moment, and the only sound is the clock ticking on my wall. He plays with my hair before rolling onto his side.

"You know I love you?" he asks. "I love you so much. You'll never lose me. You're literally my everything."

I smile tiredly, my eyes exhausted from crying so much lately. He smiles the same tired way I do before leaning over and quickly kissing me. I laugh before pulling him back to me.

Eventually I close my eyes and just rest. Michael nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck, his wild blue hair a disheveled mess. His legs entangle with mine, and his hand is around my waist, pulling me into him.

"Kenna?" Michael says quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Where are we going?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, frowning slightly.

"I mean, where are we going? Where will we be in a couple years."

"Like you said. We'll move in together."

"After that?"

"A dog named Sully."

"Then?"

"Maybe we'll get married and actually have a kid?" I say questionably.

"Yeah."

"Tell me about our kid, Michael."

"We'll have Axel first. He'll be just like me, and he'll be so badass. Then we'll have Abigail Rose. She'll be just like you. She'll be the most beautiful girl anybody's ever seen. But her big brother Axel will take care of her. Not to mention everyone else's kids."

I stay quiet just imagining our future. Where will we really be?

"So are we okay?" he asks. "From earlier?"

"Yeah," I reply. "We're okay."

"And we're still going to that concert together?"

I laugh quietly. "Of course."

He plays with my hair, causing me to quickly begin to drift off.

"Are you tired?" he asks.

I nod slowly. "Yeah," I mumble.

He kisses under my ear on my jaw. "Get some sleep. I won't go anywhere. I'm right here."