The death and return of Hollie Barnes

Chapter 1

"I'm pregnant." Those two words seem to swim around my head like a slushy moving in a half empty Styrofoam cup. My brain feels as if it's expanded and is tightly pushing against my skull. My ears pound with the steady beating of my heart.

My wife is pregnant. I thought "Banner said the test run didn't work." My voice comes out shaky and nervous, something I rarely let people see. My metal arm brushes through my one sided red hair. The cold feeling my black and gold fingers offer to my head causes the pounding to stop slightly, but not enough for me to notice.

"Well Doctor Banner was wrong Holls."She tries to sound strong, but I read past it. I've put on the same brave face too many times not to notice. I'm not the only one who's afraid of what comes next.

"MJ..." I stand up from the edge of the tub, releasing my hair from a tight grip I didn't realize I had. She looks at me, the tears in her eyes threatening to overrun onto her glowing cheeks. I grab her and pull her small body into mine embracing her tightly. "We'll figure it out, MJ. I promise."

I feel her tears stain my shirt, small remnants of her emotional pain. We can't let our baby grow up here. The thought kills me, the truth behind it heavy on my heart. Not just this world. No. They can't grow up with the people I love the most. The idea of leaving my family hurts. But I know it hurts MJ too. Emily would be devastated. But she'd grow up free.

Both my dad and my pops had laid down their hero lives when they found me. Pops put up the wings and dad put down his gun. No more flying. No more shooting. Just me. It was my turn to do the same.
...~...

"Well its about damn time." Pops doesn't spend one second even thinking about a more reassuring answer. Nope. Just 'it's about damn time.' Typical pops. Gotta love em. Dad stands with his hand on his hip and his face sincere. "It's s going to be ok little bird."

Little bird. It's s been years since dad called me that. It was originally a joke because of my attitude. It reminded dad of pops, so he started calling me little bird. I guess it just stuck. It makes me feel safe, like a pair of arms wrapping around me.

My parents have picked up on my uneasy state like a lion searching for prey. "What is it? Pops voice echoes, bouncing off the walls of the apartment. "Pops- I-" There it is again. The damn nervous tone in my voice. I hate it. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. So I try my best to push it back. It doesn't work.

"The baby I-it..." I struggle to push the words out, the heavy feeling returning to sit on my chest. Lucky my dad finds the words for me. "You need out. You cant raise the kid here can you?" It's said bluntly and yet I can hear despair laced in my Father's tone. He doesn't want this either. But he'd do anything to protect me.

"No I cant." Pops sees the tears in my eyes and reaches his arm around me. "It was difficult for us too holls..."

I look up, meeting my Pops brown eyes. "Pops you don't understand. I need to leave this place. And everything with it." Pops looks at dad silently asking for advice. Pops sighs his eyes tired. Thats when I hear dad speak up.

"You want out?" I nod my head, the idea still hurting me greatly and yet I knew I had to do whatever it took.

"Well little bird. I have one hell of a grand idea."
...~...

We fake your death. The idea is insane. Crazy. Psychologically unstable in a world of thoughts. Most of all, it's wrong. So very wrong. I know I have to let go and leave my avengers family, but not like this. It would break them. My death would crush them. I couldn't- no I wouldn't do it. It's the only way no one will be able to find you little bird. The words of my father rang out loudly inside my head. He wasn't wrong. It was the only way. The only way no one could find us. The only way to make everything sit right in my life.

Doesn't mean its whats right for them. The thought returns having already replayed in my head too many times. Maybe it wasn't what was best for the rest of the Avengers, but I knew it was best for both my family and for me. I had to make a choice. Hell, who was I kidding. I already had made up my mind. I knew what I had to do. It doesn't make it easier.

A light click is picked up by my super soldier ears. I turn my head to meet the door as it quietly opens. I look down again, knowing who it is. "Hey..." The voice is almost silent, falling upon the edges of my ears. I can't help but smile. "Hey MJ." her voice is always refreshing and soothes my mind.

She sits beside me, silent, her movements careful. Her arm reaches out, touching my back tenderly and rubbing circles around the middle. "Babe-" I look up at her, my confliction obvious. "I know Hollie, I know." Her voice is quiet and yet loving. She pulls me towards her, my head falling into her neck. I can smell her strawberry scented hair as it falls towards my nose, an indication of her recent shower. She can't bear to have her hair stay wet so she always blow dries it the moment she exits the shower.

I try to make myself smile at the thought but the pain covers my heart long before I can touch the spark of happiness reaching out for me. Before I can stop them, tears fall out of my eyes covering my wife's dark grey tank top. She holds me and I can feel her tears mix with mine, combining our pain together.

Eventually I pull away, looking at her with thankfulness lining my expression. We sit in silence, our eyes locking. I treasure her every movement and feature in this moment. I watch her pink full lips purse into a tight, straight line. Her eyes crinkle together in the prettiest way. Her curly brown hair spills out in front her left eye, a result of the humidity making her hair fuller. Her nose scrunches up, something most people wouldn't appreciate, but I can see every bit of beauty in her adorable expression.

" I'm sorry about your shirt honey." I break the silence with a slightly sarcastic remark, my way of showing her I'm going to be ok. She chuckles slightly, her laughter like a star in the night sky. "I'll grow out of it soon anyway."

The mention of our baby spikes happiness in me and I can't help but smile. I reach down, touching her stomach. "Hello there."I speak joyously. "This is your Mommy talking.You are just going to be so cute." My voice becomes high pitched and full of mumbo jumbo. It's not anything new. I talk to Emily like this often. And as always, MJ laughs. "You sound ridiculous." I kiss her stomach. "O shush."

I sit beside her once more. "Hollie... What have you decided?"I don't skip a beat, speaking the words before I can take them back. We're doing this. For me, you, Emily, and the baby."