Tutoring My Ex

10 | Broken

Chapter track: Apologize by Matilda ft. OMVR. 

[ LUCA'S POV ]

Her face told me all that I needed to know.

Oh god.

My stomach queezed uneasily. I scrambled onto both feet before rushing over to the garbage bin. "I think I'm going to be sick."

The contents of this morning's breakfast were released and even after I finished puking the coughing didn't stop. Her small, warm hands rubbed at my back. My eyes squeezed shut at the thought of her touch being undeserving. She was concerned about me even after what had just been confirmed. My form crouched in the semi-darkness of the corner, muscles contracting as if expelling my guts was on the agenda. 

She wiped at the corner of my mouth, having made me frozen still, acidic residue forming a shiny patch on her sweater sleeve, and retreated to sit in a chair.

I took a deep breath through my nose. "W-When?" I dared to ask.

She closed her eyes for a second as if the memory cut through her mind like a knife to the side.

I stared into her suddenly burning golden eyes. "At the party Damien threw, right after you guys had won the championship."

The wheels in my head turned in remembrance at what was considered the party of the year. It was a wild night. Damien's parents were out of town and when handed our trophy after an amazing league, he spontaneously declared for everyone to head to his house for celebration. The entire school, if not more, had been in attendance. There was loud music, free alcohol and sweaty bodies of teenagers rubbing against each other.

I remembered it all. 

I also remembered passing out in the midst of it all.

I thought over her words for a few minutes. There was no way she'd lie about this, no she couldn't. The way her eyes glistened with tears yesterday as she told me of how my lips were pressed against another's. Of her insecurities about my feelings after having witnessed such an awful sight. How it all drove her to the edge of calling it quits with me. I knew fully well how Della viewed infidelity. She loathed it. 

Therefore, it was understandable that me supposedly doing the act made her loathe me.

But the thing was, I just couldn't see myself committing such a sin. I adored her way too much.

Hell, so much that it scared me.

But I was wasted that night.

Maybe...

My throat suddenly felt swollen; I had to clear it twice before I spoke. "I was piss drunk, Della," I turned towards her fully still on my knees. With our faces leveled, I took a hold of her hands, relishing in the feel of her skin on mine. 

"And I know it doesn't justify what I did- god knows it doesn't but it was a mistake. A mistake that should have never happened. I'm sorry." My eyes searched hers desperately, begging for her to see my sincerity. 

There was a deafening silence until she whispered, almost embarrassed, "You said you thought she was me."

The weight on my chest seemed to lift a bit. To the point where I could breathe once more. At least the drunken bastard version of myself had substance. Loyalty. Yes, I had broken her trust but it was not intentional. I didn't know what I was doing. I thought that random girl was Della. There was no way I would do that with a sound mind.

The urge for her to know that was getting the best of me. It was almost overwhelming.

I twisted my hand up so that our fingers could interlock on the

surface of the desk. It was warm enough that her skin raised goosebumps on mine.

"You're the only person in my heart, Della," I stated firmly. "Nobody compares to you."

She half-smiled, then raised her free hand-it trembled now-and placed it behind my neck. Gently, she played with my hair. I shuddered the tiniest bit at her comforting touch. My breath became rougher.

"I promise to make you not regret it if you give me another chance," I whispered, suddenly tense. "and if I do something wrong, if I hurt you again, you must tell me at once."

She nodded solemnly, keeping her eyes on mine. It was a strange yet satisfying thing to see her compelled by my words. To the point of her being uncharacteristically compliant. I had meant them though. I would never let her out of my sight ever again.

I leaned her head against my chest. 

"Don't be afraid," I murmured. "We are meant for each other."

I was abruptly startled by the truth of my own words. 

I would never admit to her how hard it was for me when she was gone - how it brought anxiety induced nightmares. If she knew that, it would make her feel horrible and she would be afraid to ever leave me, even for the most necessary reasons. It had been like that in the beginning, she hated me blaming myself. To see me suffer more than it was necessary to suffer. I had already punished myself mentally over the past hours knowing that our ending was caused by me.

"I was scared," she revealed. Her lips moved slowly against the material of my shirt. "That it could happen again. With the thought of me being in mind, that you could go for more than a kiss. I was disappointed by you."

I felt like the scum of the earth. 

But there was also another part of me that felt saddened by her words. Sometimes I felt like she put me on a pedestal, like everyone else did. She had expectations of me- the painted picture perfect guy whose heart she managed to capture- and it was like she was waiting for me to prove that image wrong. For me to fuck up. Finally, it had happened.

And what did she do?

Leave me without giving me the benefit of the doubt.

She succumbed to her doubtful thoughts and lacked courage.

I was disappointed as well Della.

Since we were laying out all our cards on the table I decided to go further. "I wished you had told the sober me, honestly. I wished you had trusted my true intentions."

She pulled away to look up at me. "I'm sorry. I was scared that what you said would have differed. That saying you thought it was me was an excuse."

I let go of her as if her words burned. "I would never-"

"I know." She sighed, grabbing for my hand.

A rush of heat flashed across her skin again. 

My fingertip traced the adorable flush slowly. Not helping the slightest bit in its disappearance.

"Drunken actions, sober words, Della."

I really hoped she knew what I meant by that. 

Her answering smile was dazzling.

And just like that, my broken heart forged the pieces of itself together. I knew that everything in my world fell back into place.

***

A/N: It's been a minute and I've missed you guys so so much. Things with school have just been completely insane.

But enough of this depressing talk.

Take up the challenge of commenting your current mood. Are you content by this chapter or on edge because of the possibility of what's to come?