From Victim to Lover

Holiday

(Hey guys. This might go into some very specific with the sex lives of the two protagonists. Also This involves very explicit rape scenes. Also it's 10 months later)

Spencer's POV

"Hey guys gather around please. So the director and chief think this team has been through enough drama and trauma in the past. They are sending us on a sort of sabbatical for 2 weeks. They are paying for the trip and everything down there but we can't focus on work or take cases. No arguments about this. Orders from the brass."Emily says gathering us all in the conference room. 

I look over and see the biggest smile from Hannah's face but I see the sadness and pain in her eyes. I walk away. I was reading Gary Cole's police file and her statement. I can't wrap my head around everything that has happened to her. She is such a fragile piece of glass that needs extra care. I don't know how to take care of her but also I know i never want to leave her.

"I'm interrupting a deep thought." She says leaning against my desk. "The Gary Cole file? My witness statement? Spencer what's going on?" she asks me with hurt in her eyes. "You didn't tell the cops everything he did to you. He did more than just rape you and beat you didn't he?" I say looking up at her. The sadness in her eyes widens as she sees the fear gather in my eyes.

"Yes he did but that was the summary of what happened. I really didn't feel comfortable going into detail with the cops. I knew the FBI was going to read that file and I am already so damaged I didn't think it would matter that I left a few things off that list. But I am not ready to talk about what happened." she says gathering her stuff up from her desk."I get that but what I don't understand is why you just leave things out of conversations without even hinting at the fact that something else might be bothering you. I hate seeing you in so much pain and when I start assisting you in picking up the pieces randomly more appear. It's frustrating." I say standing up. 

"Wow Spencer it is frustrating for you. How do you think it feels for me just when I start feeling normal or happy something else weighs hard down on my chest. I feel like talking about it will just open everything up and being an open book like that will cause you to leave I am more fucked up than anyone realizes. You love the pieces of me that you see but you wouldn't be able to actually love the monster I truly am. You know what if you can't handle my own minds coping mechanisms to fight my demons then maybe you don't really love me." she yells. Grabs her bag and walks away as quickly as her legs will take her. Damn It Spencer. My hands start shaking and I run them through my hair. 

"Spence? She just needs time trust me. Girls brain use secrets and time as a coping mechanism for trauma. She truly loves you she looks at you the way Will looks at me. Don't let that go because she is scared to say things that show how damaged she really is. Stop being a profiler for once and be a man." JJ says before she walks away. Fuck Maybe I did screw this up because I couldn't just trust her.
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Just the sight of her tears at my heartstrings. My heart beats for her. I submit to her with just one look . I look into her eyes every night and I'm brought to a whole new world, a world where everything is good and it's just her and I. No pain, no trauma just the good she has brought me. Everytime we kiss the world around me disappears all I see is her. Now I look across the jet and I see how sad she looks and my brain gives me 119 ways I can make this right but 223 ways I can screw this up and lose her completely. I rise from my seat and JJ grabs my hand
"You got this." JJ smiles at me. I continue to head towards Hannah.

"Hey can we please talk?" I ask staring down at her. She nods  "Look Spence I know I should tell you everything he did to me. But I can't because you're going to think I'm just used good or damaged material for how I've been treated in the past by guys" she says referring to Daniel. "Hey no. Don't say that. Okay no matter what stories you tell me or what happened to you, I've been with you long enough to know you are amazing in every way. Every time we sleep together you turn me into a new man, someone who was 'damaged' couldn't do that. Okay you were held captive for a year, most people the odds are stacked against them after the first 24 hours but you survived a year. When you're ready to talk about it I'll be here even when you aren't ready to talk about it, I'll still be here. Cause I love you the damaged parts and the crazy parts. You are my girl and no one else's" the biggest smile spread across her face. She stares at me and I can't tell what she is thinking.