Steady On Forward

Chapter 12

A/N:

WARNING Chapter Contains: Aftermath of a Suicide Attempt

As previously mentioned, you can skip from the ✹ to the ✹‖ to avoid the triggering section if you wish. ALTERNATELY: only skip from the 🅧 to the 🅧‖ to avoid the worst sections while still keeping the plot (but you will still be subjected to most of the hard-hitting emotional segments, so be aware of that) if you prefer.

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Over the next few weeks, although he was still keeping Jay at arms length and having his morning breakdowns, Jason started to notice that Dick was...more upbeat.

He felt himself start to hope as he noticed Dick's real smile replacing the fake one more and more often these days, and Dick had hardly been cold and blank with him at all. Jason had no idea what was causing it, but every time a sincere smile bloomed across Dick's face, he felt his heart swell a little more. Maybe Dick was finally, finally starting to heal.

◇◇◇

"I love you," Dick murmured, early one morning, just after they'd gotten into bed.

He still wasn't letting Jason in or talking about anything important with him, but he'd become much more liberal with his 'I love you's, and Jason felt that was at least a step.

"Love you too," he said sleepily. "Anythin' on your mind?"

"Hm?" Dick asked. "Oh. Yeah. Gonna get on that drug smuggling case up in Maine — this week, I think."

"Really?" Jason was more awake now. "Maine?"

"Yeah. Have you seen the report on the case?"

"Yeah...it's barely a case. Real small fish to fry, you sure you need to go all the way up there for that?"

Dick sighed. "Yes. A case is a case is a case. And the prospect of a trip out of Gotham for a few days doesn't hurt."

Jason tried not to feel hurt about that.

"Okay, if you're sure."

When Jason awoke the next day, he was almost convinced their conversation had just been a weird dream, but sure enough, Dick started packing up to go on the trip.

Jason didn't really understand why he seemed so insistent on going away on that silly little case, but Dick seemed excited about it, so he didn't want to question it too much. 

Still, he found himself over at Barbara's in the early morning a good many hours after Dick had left (with a rather emphatic, "I love you all to bits and I'm gonna miss your faces, masked or not. But I'll be home soon!" over the comms before he shut his off and headed out of the city).

"I don't know, I'm probably just being overprotective or clingy or something. It's just the whole thing feels weird to me and I don't know why. I mean, I'm glad he seems excited about something, and he's been seeming a lot more upbeat than usual lately — I definitely don't wanna fuck with that — I just...don't get it.

"Because he's happier I guess, but the breakdowns don't seem to have lessened, and he's still not really letting me in at all — it still feels like there's this massive distance between us that I have no idea how to bridge. I don't wanna sound like I'm not happy he's happy, I am, I just don't get why."

Barbara shrugged, and let out a yawn. "I don't know, but you're probably right not to question it. He's healing at his own pace, and I think feeling better in general is a good step. Maybe you can try to talk with him again after he comes back, though, if you're really worried."