7 Things About the Boy Next Door

Chapter 25

"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome." -Unknown

~Harmony~

I hate everything about shopping. I knew this already of course, but I suppose today solidified my primary statement of my enjoyment levels at a shopping centre. I hate the crowds, the queues and the aching feet. The overly attentive sales assistants with their photo-shopped smiles and clueless nature grate at my frayed nerves. And not to mention the perky, seasonal Christmas music being prematurely replayed through the speakers drives me insane. But it's for none of these reasons that I was finished with yesterday.

After my slip in memory on the continued existence of Melody, it's safe to say the rest of the outing was spoiled. No one knew what caused my sudden shift of mood from bubbly to guarded and so we were quick to return home after that when it was evident in my circumspect behaviour.

Aria kept fussing over me and asking if I was okay in which I would reply with hollow answers. Celeste would stick by my side like we're supposedly joined at the hip thinking I was in need of company as I desperately - but politely - tried to keep my distance from the noise and attention. But I think Jas got it. She kept quiet and stayed a couple paces away at all times. When I would catch her watching me thoughtfully, she'd smile a little then look away.

I just needed space. Lots of it.

The car ride was equally quiet on my part. Jas didn't play the radio despite the vigorous protests sounding from the back, but when Aria and Celeste had long forgotten the stereo and fallen into deep conversation, it just left Jas and I bouncing around the front two seats.

A few blocks away from home, Jas' hand left the ten-and-two position on the wheel and was in search of mine folded tightly in my lap as I deftly attempted to reflect any and all Melody related thoughts until I was locked away in my room.

I was a little shocked at the gesture to begin with and clamped my hands tighter away from her's, but she's about as persistent as I and untangled my grip. She took hold of one of my hands in hers above the centre console and was just there like a friend should be. No words. No looks. No secret messages. Just held my hand in a vice grip like a mother.

After a few moments of a stiff grip on my part, I began to loosen up and I felt like a little girl again. I didn't realise how lost I was feeling, how easily the current was taking me from shore when I was without an anchor. But I held Jas' hand like the lifeline it was until we reached my driveway. And suddenly I felt just that little more grounded.

The little red Holden fluidly swerved parallel to the high curb and I called a gentle departing word to Aria and Celeste who replied a little shocked that I'd actually spoken.

"Thanks," I whispered to Jas and I hoped she caught the deeper meaning - you know, the part where it feels she saved me from falling within myself like a collapsing star. She caught me just as I was about to explode.

Jas nodded curtly with a warm smile and unlocked the car doors for me. Feeling a tad better, I slid out of the car interior and they drove off with a final honk, racing down the road to Celeste's house a few minutes away.

I spent the remainder of the evening in deep concentration, fighting an uphill battle inside the confinements of my own mind as I tried to ward off the onslaught of tears. I sat Indian style on my bed pressed up against the headboard and supported by my battalion of pillows as I swallowed down the whimpers and memories that violently resurfaced.

That night was slightly more hellish than the shopping experience, but the only thing that made it somewhat manageable was the fact that when I actually fell asleep - after many hours of staring into the pitch darkness of my room - there was nothing. I had no more memories, no more worries and no more dreams. That sleep was about as dark as my room was. About as dark as my heart felt.