It was a nice cool day. Something that comes rare in the southern part of the US. there was a slight breeze, and the humidity was low. The kids and husband had been driving me absolutely nuts during this pandemic shit. Being cooped up in the house, unable to go anywhere but doctors appointments and grocery runs....it drove us all batty. I had my job once they sent us equipment to go remote but....it wasn't enough. I needed a break.
During this time I began to truly realize...I just didn't like my family. I loved them, sure. But I didnt "like" them. It was a thought I had had every now and then in the past but it was one that was easy to brush away. That day it plagued me. I couldn't escape it. And I couldn't escape them.
So I got us all out the house to the park as soon as things were open again. I packed a proper picnic and some blankets and my favorite wine and urged my husband to forgo his 5 hour shit and drive us ASAP. The kids were ecstatic. Even the 12 year old was excited to get on the swings.
I laid out my blanket and sat a distance away from them on a slight hill, close enough to keep an eye on them, but far away enough that Dad would be the only parent they bothered. It was heaven. As I poured myself a tumbler of wine I heard a smooth voice ask
"Got another glass in there?"
I whipped around and standing to my right was a tall, beautiful woman. Beautiful isn't the right word actually. There are no words in the English language that can describe how gorgeous and stunning she was. Her skin was a warm golden brown, her eyes were honey with long sweeping lashes and perfectly arched dark brows, her smile framed by the most luscious pair of lips I've ever seen, and her hair was a halo of black untamed curls that spiraled down her back to her round hips.
I was shocked someone like her would even speak to me let alone ask to join me for a glass of wine. I slowly nodded and reached for the second tumbler and handed it to her without speaking. I poured her wine and she sat down gracefully beside me and took a long sip.
"Thank you kindly. A girl gets pretty thirsty in this heat. Are those yours?"
She had a slight accent, but it was almost outdated. A mix of cajun, Scarlett O' Hara and upper crust artisticracy. I took my eyes off of her briefly to glance over at my unruly spawn.
"Yes. Unfortunately. The man too."
I gave a nervous laugh at my own poor joke and she threw her head back and let out the most endearing cackle.
" Well now. It can't be all that bad can it?" I shrugged and poured more wine.
"It has its nice moments for sure. There are days where I'm sort of glad they're there. But mostly it's just.....too much. Do you have kids?"
I realized it was a weird question a bit too late. I felt it was probably obvious, she wouldn't be at a playground if she didn't but then these were times where people just needed to get out the house. She smiled and closed her eyes briefly.
"Oh yes. Exhausting little things. But I love them. Sometimes I feel like maybe there's too many of them. But then I remember that my home is their safe haven from this mad, mean world...."
She trailed off and opened her eyes staring expectantly at me. It was an odd choice of words. It made me feel uncomfortable but I could t figure out why. I should have asked what she meant. But I was too entranced by her ever movement.
" Yeah. That's what mothers are supposed to be right? We nurture them. Keep them safe from everyone and anything that would harm them. Feed them from our very bodies. We give up everything...our own identities it feels like. And we get nothing in return."
I looked at her nervously scared I spoke too bluntly. Not many women would admit to sharing the same feelings I had. I had already lost my share of friends over it. But she just nodded and smiled.
" That's true. In a sense. But who were you before you had children?"
I looked over to where the kids and my husband played, their shouts and peals of laughter loud enough to reach where we sat. From a distance it was enough to make me happy. But up close it was maddening.
"I had this dream of getting my law degree. Of maybe being a neurologist....once I even dreamt of going back to dance. But my first child came along and all that was ruined. We got married shortly after and that was that."
I realised how bitter I sounded and felt a little guilty. I shouldn't be talking this way to a stranger. But she made me feel like I could tell her anything and everything.
"If you could have one wish what would it be?"
It was an odd question, but one that I had entertained several times before. I was ready with am answer.
"It would be.....to have never had a family. I'm just not cut out for it. I want my old self back. I want my old body back. I want QUIET back."
I was close to tears by this point. She looked at me concerned, and she stroked my hair and then my face. The world seemed to slow to a stop. I felt like I was floating. The very air felt tangible.
"I knew you'd say that."
All at once things returned to normal and suddenly I felt very tired. I laid down and closed my eyes deciding I drank too much and a small nap wouldn't hurt. I don't know how much time passed before I woke up. I sat straight up startled. I couldn't figure out what it was at first.
Then I realized how quiet it was. I looked towards the swings and slides and didn't see anyone. Every one of my family members were gone. Including my husband. I panicked suddenly remembering the tall beautiful stranger. I never got her name. I looked around for her knowing she was at fault for this.
"MISS??? WHERE DID YOU GO?? WHERE IS MY FAMILY!?".
I hopped up and began looking all over the park. I was the only one there. I slowly sank down on a swing and stared at the ground. Suddenly I felt the swing next to me move. I looked up and there she was smiling. The same warm smile. Only something was off about her this time. She reached over with a look of sympathy and caressed my cheek. Her hands were ice cold.
"Oh my love. What family?"
I stared at her in horror realization slowly dawning on me. I stood up and felt my waist and hips. They were three sizes smaller. The body I had before my first child. My heart threatened to pound out of my chest.
"But I- I didn't ask for this! I was just talking!! I didn't mean it!! Give them BACK" She shook her head almost sadly and stood up.
"Who? To you, they never existed."
" WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN-" I yelled, but I was yelling at air. She was no longer there. I sat back down on the swing and stared up at the sky.
I had gotten my wish. I cried, then laughed. Quietly at first, then loudly. I was the only sound other than the chirping birds and passing cars. Well...at least it was finally quiet. Be careful what you wish for.
