starry eyes → levan

14 | Lunar

a/n: this chapter was shitty and short, sorry bdhfkjgshdf

I was leaning over before I could really register whether it was a good idea or not. Probably not, knowing me, but once you get going, the brakes are practically useless. Plus I figured I could just enjoy this in the moment now and spontaneously combust mysteriously in my room later. You know, the usual. 

If you're wondering for any reason why I kissed him━well, it's kind of obvious━but of course it was because I liked him. It wasn't necessarily love, per se, I'd just noticed that over time, I gravitated more towards him than anyone else, even Jay. I knew I should probably be disgusted that he and the gang had beaten up Jay, but frankly it made me like him more. 

So, I'd just taken a leap of faith and pressed my lips to his. Yeah, and I probably should have been more careful after breaking up with Jay━I'd known Evan for around forever, though, and I couldn't bring myself to distrust him.

Enough of explaining my thoughts, because I was in the moment, and my brain helpfully decided to add oh my god I'm kissing Evan and bhdskfjSDFDS- 

Then he kissed me back. 

My brain exploded even more, and I faintly told it (through the initial shock) shut up. Did it listen? Of course not. EVAN IS KISSING ME BACK RIGHT NOW WHAT THE FUCK- 

He pulled away first. And stared at me for a while. "Lunar," he started, and I started thinking the worst. Was he going to reject me, or had he only kissed me because he felt sorry for me, or?- 

But my internal voice was cut off by Evan opening his mouth, and closing it again. Then, apparently deciding words weren't worth the effort - and I agreed, because my heart was racing and I did not know how to breathe - he did something that had a far larger effect than words. Yes. He kissed me again. 

The brain, I have concluded, is the center of 

1) your IQ and your memory bank
2) daily things that make you function and a bunch of scientific stuff like that
3) the annoying little voice that unhelpfully decides to scream whenever something especially jerking happens. 

Anyway, it started racing a gazillion miles again, and as if I didn't already know, it added, Wow, I think he actually likes you, good job. 

And oh shit when he pulled away he looked hot. I wasn't usually one to freak out, but today was all about freaking out, apparently. I'd started cool and suave and maybe planned to hint at the fact that I'd known what he'd done, but nooooooooooooooo, life had other plans. "Um." I managed. It was at these times that my eloquent language helpfully abandoned me. Maybe falling for someone wasn't as great as everyone made it out to be, especially when someone finally took action, because being tongue-tied and having your brain effectively shut down, plus the searing adoration - well, not good for health. Probably. 

"Well," I finally said, "That happened." 

"Yeah," Evan agreed - very suavely, I might add. "That happened." 

"Can we - please skip the part where we confess dramatically, because I don't think I can physically handle that?" I asked hopefully. 

"I think this shows it enough," Evan said with a laugh. 

I probably sounded very shallow and very like a schoolgirl with a crush (which, technically, I was, but that's beside the point), but this was something you couldn't really explain. you could only record the feelings that aren't as deep, because the ones under the surface pull at you so much it feels like an endless battle there. And describing them, the way they do things to you when looking or conversing with a certain person, is impossible, because however dramatic you made it, it just wouldn't suffice. It would always be too little. 

I wasn't going to try. But that mostly explained it, in the briefest way possible. And yeah, that's what I felt with Evan. 

a/n:
i hate this chapter im sorry abt it but 
idk how to change it bc its probably gonna end up being even more shitty