Sanders Sides One Shots

Brownies (Dukeceit)

"I—no!" Janus said immediately to the proposition. "I don't care if all of you did that challenge, I have no obligation to do so." For context, Janus and Remus were being asked to play the "who can get flustered first" game.

"Come on, Janus, it's fun," Virgil smirked.

"Says you," Janus rolled his eyes and then pointed at Remus. "Do you know who that figment of Thomas's imagination is? Do you know who that is? You just want to see me suffer."

"You got me there," the emo shrugged, eyeing the duke, who was standing suspiciously close behind the snake boi.

"Why are you complaining, you like it better that way," Remus teased.

"I do not!" To be perfectly honest, if they had been playing the game, Janus would have lost already. It was really inevitable, when going up against Remus, of all people. "Stop laughing!"

"Nah," Roman snickered. "It's always funny to see you act pathetic."

"You also just want to see me suffer. Logan, help me out here," he grumbled. Remus wrapped his arms around Janus's torso, incidentally also pinning his arms to his sides. He flapped his hands awkwardly, since he was sort of immobile from the wrists up.

"With what?" Logan raised an eyebrow. "You don't seem to be in any sort of imminent danger."

"Are you mad at me, too?" Janus complained. "Come on," he huffed.

"On the contrary, Logan," Patton giggled. "Janus may not look like he's in danger, but he's actually in a bit of a bind."

While everyone else was busy cracking up, Janus just whined, "Why... why... wh-ah—" He let out an uncharacteristic squeal of surprise when Remus licked the back of his neck. "Remus—"

"Come on, I know how easy you are," he laughed, resting his chin on the snek's shoulder. "I don't have to make you suffer just to fluster you."

He opened his mouth to deny it, but he really couldn't. He frowned. "Well, forgive me for being mildly nervous. You just tend to be a little... too creative in certain situations. I was simply... on... guard...?"

He pouted. "So you don't trust me, is what you're saying?"

"I didn't say that! I missed the part where I said that," Janus rushed, and Remus sighed.

"Yeah, I know," he murmured, now just hugging Janus tighter. Well, great, now he felt guilty. Remus's eyes brightened a moment later. "I wanna bake something."

"That's sudden," Janus raised his eyebrows, wondering about the change in spirit.

"There is no rhyme or reason to what I do, I just do," he shrugged, taking one of Janus's hands and spinning him around so that he was facing him, then gave him a quick kiss on the nose and literally skipped away to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna go make sure that Remus is baking cookies this time instead of tiny plastic babies," Patton decided, standing up.

Janus blinked and shook his head, remembering where he was. "That would probably be a good idea," he sighed. "Even though this technically has no effect on the physical world, Thomas is bound to get a headache if Remus blows our oven up again."

"Oh dear Lord, not again," Logan rubbed his temples. "I will defenestrate the Duke if that even gets close to happening. He cannot perish, but he will come as close as manageable."

Roman laughed. "Yeah, Remus should probably refrain from making Logan mad. That usually doesn't end well."

"You coming, Janus?" they all heard suddenly, spotting Remus's head popping out from behind the wall. "It'll be boring alone."

"Oh, sure," the snake nodded, hurrying over to the kitchen to help his unnecessarily tall counterpart bake... something. Oh, dear, Remus never did specify what the "something" would be.

"Heya, babe," Remus grinned, immediately pulling him into his arms. "I was thinking, what could I bake that would surprise everyone? And probably also scare everyone?"

Janus grimaced, bracing himself for the answer. Larger plastic babies? Was there a chance he would frost a Roomba and tell someone it was cake? Well, that was always an option.

"Brownies," Remus laughed quietly so that only Janus could hear him. "Perfectly normal brownies. Not even edibles, just... you know, brownies."

Janus gave him a blank stare. "I didn't even know you were capable of that. Yes, that would terrify anybody."

"Yay!" he clapped his hands and placed them on his hips.

After a solid minute of standing there and doing absolutely nothing, I asked quietly, "You don't know how to make regular brownies, do you? I can find Patton—"

"No, it'll be funnier if I don't tell any of them what the idea is. I'll just... learn? The goal is to not poison anyone this time."

Unawares to the two dark Sides in the kitchen, the rest were listening in on their conversation.

"They're so loud. They talk so loudly. How are they planning to prank us if we can hear them?" Roman whispered.

"I don't know, they're idiots," Virgil whispered back. "Just enjoy it while it lasts."

"I think it's sweet," Patton giggled. "Remus is acting like it's a prank, but I think he just wanted to do something nice without explicitly saying so. The least we could do is play along."

"I suppose, but I don't want to lose the kitchen in the process," Logan sighed. "Neither of them have any idea what they're doing."

"That's why it's funny. Just leave them alone for a bit," Virgil said. "We already know they're aiming for edibility, so that's out of the way. Besides, it's not like we'll actually lose the kitchen, either, we're in the Mind Palace. The worst that'll happen is Thomas gets a migraine."

"Well, that is true, but it would be extremely annoying and counterproductive since we have to get some work done today," the teacher pointed out. Then he sighed. "Alright, we should leave them alone."

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, "Well, a good place to start would probably be flour?" Janus suggested.

"Flower?" Remus reached behind Janus's ear and pulled out a rose. He held it up to his boyfriend, winking. "This what you meant, babe?"

"You... you know it's not," the snake mumbled, blushing. "It is very pretty, though."

"Awesome! Now, time to make brownies." The duke proceeded to snap his fingers and everything he needed appeared on the counter.

"Did—" Janus blinked. "Were you just waiting for me to say we needed flour?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Now, c'mere, let's have a little fun with this!"