Nine years later-
Phoenix's pov:
"Devin Sola there is no way in hell i am going to that concert!!" I told my best friend as i left the room "come on phoenix it's been nine years! It shouldn't be so difficult to do this!" I shrugged and turned my back to him "phoenix, he's forgiven you for leaving!" I turned and glared at him "Devin you really think this is about Tj?! I haven't seen my parents in nine years! My brother is NINETEEN but nope its about the fact i called of my engagement so i can sort out my life?!" It was his turn to shrug then, i glared at the purple wall of my kitchen before deciding to go and shower "i'm taking a shower." i stated and Devin just ignored me "you know Tj's tried to kill himself seven more times than you have in the past few years." i shrugged and stomped out of the room..
I stood staring guiltily at my reflection in the foggy mirror, i looked down at the pink scars on my skin the most recent ones screaming angrily at me.. i looked up and brushed my teeth and then dried my hair.
"Devin?" I asked as i walked out of the bathroom, i heard him sigh and walk out of his room "what?" He groaned and i shifted my weight from each foot to the other "do you think we'd still be able to make it?" I mumbled and looked up to see Devin staring wide eyed at me "um yeah of course!" He said and i rolled my eyes as he fumbled for his keys.
I took a shaky breath as we parked the car and walked to the stage entrance, Devin spoke to the security guy, flashed a few passes and boom we were in. we walked through the doors and i saw Robert, i immediately turned on my heel to leave "oh no you don't." Devin said into my ear and i turned around. A small local band walked off the stage and we were greeted by screams of ETF fans as we walked out to the crowd.. they got about ten minuets into their set when i looked up, the first person i saw was Tj, occasionally bouncing around the biggest fake smile slapped onto his face. He had wristbands of every kind up to at least his elbows and he had T-shirt sleeves on for once.. i couldn't look at the other guys, i just stood stock still, staring at Tj "P you okay?" Devin asked and i nodded, Devin dragged me through the crowd, barging past people until we made it to the barrier.. i clung onto the metal poles as if they were my life support machine and i was on the edge of dying, at least that's what it felt like i was doing.. i looked up as i felt eyes staring into me, and immediately made eye contact with none other than Thomas Joseph Bell..
The eye contact was broken as the band walked of stage, you could see the light shining off of a tear trailing down his face, i turned to Devin but he ignored my plea's of leaving and going home "Devin he was so sad! I can't do this! I can't make him worse!" I sobbed and Devin continued dragging me through the crowd "you can and you fucking will! Nine years, eighteen attempts, seven relapses, two trips to rehab, two abusive ex boyfriends and three asshole room mates, that's exactly how much shit has gone wrong for you!" He snapped and i wiped the tears and smeared make up away "fine. i will go. but because your making me. not because i want to." i said monotonously we showed our passes to the security guy and ended up back stage again..
Tj's pov:
"Craig i swear it was her!!" I yelled at him "Tj stop! Your wind up getting worse, stop it right now!" Craig yelled back at me, Robert stood dead still looking towards the entrance, Max looked like he'd seen a ghost and Kevin looked down right pissed to see whoever it was. Craig turned and looked and immediately stopped.. Max ran over to the person and began yelling "PHOENIX CLAIRE GREEN WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!" Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. "Im sorry dad but i told you i was leaving!" Craig shook his head "You told him you were leaving, and Tj but then fucked off without telling anyone else?!" Craig snapped and i looked at him "Craig stop. it wasn't like that! It was more of i tell you, you try and stop me, kind of thing.." she said and i turned to look at her, tears streaming down her face, the pain in her eyes mirroring my own.. "Craig if you even tried to understand how hard it was for me to leave you still wouldn't manage to even touch on how much it killed me! I mean seeing Tj now?! That's the worst thing about it! Because its MY FUCKING FAULT! OKAY?! I get it its my fault i fucked up everything and you all hate me! I didn't want to come here tonight! I know i fucked it up with you all okay?!" She yelled and walked away calmly, i could see the genuine pain and self-hatred in her eyes, it was devastating..
Phoenix's pov:
I curled up into the corner of my bed, hugging Alan, the ginger and grey haired cat was at least 10 years old now and he'd been through everything with me, the drive with Angelo to Scranton, the four different moves from crappy apartments to even crappier ones, the attempts, the exes, the arguments, Devin's break up, he was the only one truly there for me and do you know what the sad thing is? He's a fucking cat! "P?" I heard Devin ask from outside my door "i'm not in the mood right now Dev." i replied, i buried my face in Alan's fur and sobbed, i heard the door open and then close a few moments later, but when i heard the alarming sound of footsteps towards me my head snapped up revealing the tear stained face of my ex-best friend, and my ex-boyfriend.. "i can't believe you still have him." Tj said shakily and i nodded "he's been my family these past few years i couldn't get rid of him.." i mumbled and Tj nodded "you haven't changed much you know, i'd still recognise you as the beautiful little misfit i fell for all those years ago.." Tj said and i shrugged "if i hadn't been at an ETF concert i wouldn't if recognised you to be honest Teej.." I saw him visibly tense up "why?" He asked and i chewed my lip "your eyes, they don't have that same brightness anymore, there just dull and sad..." i let Alan down off of my bed and got up to get a hoodie from my closet, i pulled out my iron maiden hoodie and zipped it up "you still have that as well?" Fuck, okay not my hoodie Tj's iron maiden hoodie "yep, just another item i couldn't bare to part with." i told him sitting down on the bed next to him "you couldn't bare to part with my hoodie but you managed to leave me.." he mumbled and i immediately turned to face him "you really think that wasn't the most difficult thing I've ever done?!" I snapped making the gap between us bigger "yeah, yeah i fucking do!" I pulled my sleeves over my hands "thats a fucking lie.." i mumbled loud enough that Tj could still hear "really? Is that why you didn't stay in touch? Is it why your brother has had nine birthdays without you? Why i've missed you so much?!" I rested my head in my hands and sobbed "i never stopped looking for you, you know.." he said and i looked up at him the tears still streaming down my face "every time we toured here in between shows i'd search every place i thought you'd be.. one time i thought i saw you in iHop and i cried for a week.. none of the guys had heard from you and Devin refused to say anything, he actually convinced us that he'd stopped talking to you.." I looked at the dark carpet and awkwardly chewed my lip "we have one more show here, and then the bus leaves tomorrow at 2 am, its your choice if you want to come to.." I looked up and stared at him like he was insane "what?" He asked and i shrugged "you just asked me to come on tour with you, craig, kevin, robert and dad all hate me." i trailed off and began to glare at the carpet again "they don't hate you. not at all!" I looked up at him the disbelief etched onto my face "they don't hate you, their mad, they never wanted you to leave, Max was devastated when you left, blamed himself entirely.. refused to listen when we told him it wasn't his fault, it wasn't any of there faults.. it was mine.." Tj began sobbing and i did the only thing my scarred arms could think to do.. i hugged him.. The worst thing about it was his immediate reaction to my touch, his sobs became louder and he buried his head into my chest clinging to me like a child "I'm sorry phoenix! Whatever i did to make you want to leave I'm sorry!" He sobbed and i allowed confusion to spread across my face "no, no, Tj you had nothing to do with this! I left because i was fucking everything up with you! And with everyone else! I didn't leave because of any of you! I left because its what i had to do, its what i had to do to stay sane! To stay alive..." I added the last part quietly and held onto Tj, i buried my face into his hair and we sat holding onto each other, if anyone had walked into the room they would've assumed we were on a slowly sinking ship with no chance of survival. But instead of a sinking ship we had crappy black carpeting under our feet and a crappy double bed to keep us 'floating' "Phoenix please don't leave me again.. you made me feel so alive..."
