Don't Let Me Fall

12| The Reject

"Regret is a horrible feeling, but an important one. It's something that you need to reflect on who you are and why you choose to do things. It's an important sign of growth, recognising what you regret and embracing being regretful," Abria explained, "Thank you, Lukas for sharing this with us today."

The pimply kid looked happy with himself, relieved. Something I wished I was. The guilt ate me up still, I couldn't stop thinking about what I had done. I felt even worse for what Mia was going through. And for her to come to me, for me to be her first person to confide in just proved how incredibly wrong I was. I was a bad person. And it killed me.

I didn't want to go in today but Mom had made it clear she wasn't talking to me, and I'd rather be somewhere I was wanted than somewhere I was not. I couldn't stay in my bed forever. I had to face the world at some point.

Everything was so bad.

"With that in mind-"

"What if that something you did hurts someone else?" I asked.

Abria looked over at me, surprised I had spoken, "Sorry?"

"Like, what if you recognise being regretful and embrace it but is still hurts someone. Like hurt them so bad that recognising the regret isn't enough? How do you fix it?" I asked quietly, trying to ignore the people around me.

"Um... well, you see that's a complex issue. I guess it depends on what you do. I can't speak for everyone but in terms of what you do, honesty is the best policy. And then comes understanding, seeing their point and why they feel the way they feel because of what you've done. And then accepting. Accepting whatever decision, they make or how they feel. But I'd say be honest, first," Abria said, "It'll get you further than anything."

I nodded. Abria kept her eyes on me for a second, watching me as if wanting to say something. Maybe even ask me what was on my mind? But it must've been obvious I didn't want to go further than that because she backed off, "So, in regards to your journals I want to make sure you are all keeping up to date. I will be arranged one to ones with you and hope you will be okay to share parts with me so I am able to evaluate your progress."

I faded back into my mind. I had to find a way to talk to Mia, to tell her what I had done. I had to clear my conscience. I took out my phone and messaged her.

Meet me later?

I couldn't go to hers. The cops had cleared out yesterday but apparently, her parents refused to let anyone under the age of twenty-five on the premises after what had happened. I had never known anyone who had died before. I couldn't imagine how it must feel, to have someone die in your house. I wondered if they knew it was drug related. I wondered how much drugs she had actually done.

"Hey," Rae sat beside me.

I looked up and saw everyone had disbursed for a break, then back at her, "Hey."

She looked on edge, "So, uh, regret, huh? What was that about?'

I shook my head,"'Nothing, it's fine."

Rae nodded along, looking around. I could feel her leaning in slightly as if she didn't want anyone to hear us talking, her voice going slightly quieter, "Because if you have something on your mind, something you might've seen then you might want to think about what happens after."

I was confused, "What?"

"Don't make a scene or anything," She touched my shoulder, kind of holding me there. I was uncomfortable now, something told me this wasn't her being concerned about me. She meant something different. "I think that maybe you should be careful about what you say, Will. About that night at the party. Shit could get serious, you know."