Don't Let Me Fall

11| The Mysterious Death of Kat Brunel

I had fucked up. I had really fucked up.

I thought about what I had just done as I stumbled home, the songbirds above announcing the cool breeze of morning as the sun began to rise. I stared down at the ground, slightly tinged in the orange of the morning sun. My feet squelched with every step. Guilt in each move I made. I couldn't believe I had done this to Mia, I couldn't believe I had done this at all. It wasn't like me; I wasn't that person. But I couldn't stop thinking about it, his lips on mine. It was electric. It was everything I had wanted, but the guilt was eating me alive. The drugs had worn off and I was once again sober.

I thought about Mia, I thought about how he left me there. Stood in the pool, watching him flee. Left behind like the trash I was. It hurt but I didn't blame him, how could I?

I had totally fucked up.

I quietly unlocked my door, opening it slowly. I entered and slowly closing the door behind me, I closed my eyes, teeth gritted as I prayed I didn't make too much noise. As I heard the locked clip shut, I sighed with relief.

"What time do you call this?"

I jumped, opening my eyes and turning.

"Mom."

"What the hell are you doing, Will? Why are you wet?" She looked me up and down, her arms crossed and her eyes full of anger. I looked down at my west clothes and then back up at her, "I fell."

"Into what? The Pacific Ocean?" She snapped. I wished.

I shrugged, 'I don't... I don't know."

"Me and your Dad spent all night calling you, texting you. You remember your phone, right? The thing you've been so glued to lately!" She said, "Why didn't you pick up?"

"Mom, can you just chill- "

"Chill!" She shouted, again, making me jump, "I have waited up all night, worry about you! Where you are, where you could've gone! What could've happened to you!" I rubbed my temple, frustrating setting in as my head began to pound. My mind was fuzzy, her shouting was drilling into the pain like a nail. "I didn't mean that... Mom, I'm sorry. I just went out," I said, "Can we just talk about this in the morning?"

"It is the morning," She said, I watched as she reached into her dressing down pocket and pulled out a white envelope. I looked at it, confused. She tossed it at my feet, "Do you know what that is?"

"No," I said.

"A letter from your school. A meeting with your principal about whether you're fit or not to return to school," She shook her head, "But from the state of you... I don't even know if you're fit to even meet him!"

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, crossing my arms. I felt bad about everything, did she really have to keep rubbing salt to the wound. She was like a dog with a bone, she refused to let go. Not till I feel as low as she feels. "Oh you are more than sorry, you're grounded. And I'll be deciding whether this meeting goes any further or not," She stared at me with venom in her eyes, "Clean your fucking act up."

And with that, she left. I picked up the latter and looked at it. I wanted to tear it up. I wanted to punch the wall or scream. She was right, I hated that. But she also had no idea. Not an inkling of what I was going through, how much worse I had been last night.

-

I hadn't heard anything from him. Not a text, nothing. It was like I had been forgotten, used and thrown away. Or he felt just as guilty as me. Was he also lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling and deciding on whether he was a good person or not? Was he thinking about me at all? Every time I closed my eyes I just thought of him. And me in that pool, watching him leave me. I was a bad person. I was the worst person.

I looked over at the journal, it had been a long time since I had even attempted to write in it. So, I did that. I grabbed it and scribbled every little thought. Every moment; the kiss, the drugs, Rae, the guilt about Mia and that girl with the lollipop. Everything. After a while my hand hurt. But I couldn't stop.

I had no idea how therapeutic this could be.

It was like antidepressants but free and without the bad side effects. It cured me, for a moment. Until my wrist really did hurt and I had gotten six pages in and my head hurt. Then there was the pain again.

I heard a knock at my door.

I stuck the book under my pillow, "Yeah?"

Dad came in, a weak smile on his face. He and Mom had been arguing all day, he was in defence of me of course. But I hadn't heard them shout like that, not in a long time. Flo had come into my room, crawling into bed with me and snuggling there for a while. "Flo scared," she's say quietly to me as I held her. I knew it was my fault. But I was so mad at them. They couldn't do this.

"There's someone here to see you," He told me. Mia sheepishly moved past him. My heart collapsed.

Here we go, I had to be honest.

She looked bothered by something, I knew she knew. She had to. Rowan must've told her or she saw or something. But I knew she knew. My palms grew sweaty. Dad left us.

Mia looked at the floor.

"Do you uh... wanna sit?" I said, nervous. There was a lump in my throat, my mouth went dr and my body still, frozen. I had no idea what to do next. Did I confess? Wait for her to confront me? She sat beside me, looking down at her hands that were on her lap.

There was a moment of silence.

Anxiety rushed over me. I wanted it over with, I wanted her to tell me I was an awful person and that I was a piece of home wrecking shit.

"I-" We both said at the same time, laughing quietly.

"Sorry," I said, "You first."

"I didn't know where to go," She said, "I just kinda... I felt like I needed to talk to you. You know? It's just been playing on my mind and I'm just... shocked, I guess?" I held my breath, I knew it was coming. I had to be ready for the shit that she was going to throw at me. I deserved it. She looked like she hadn't slept. "I keep replaying it in my head... what happened and I can't believe it."

I swallowed, "I know. I know and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sometimes things happen... I don't know, it was all so fast and so... just crazy," I was mumbling stupidly.

"You just don't expect it to happen," She looked at me, tears in her eyes, "I dfeel like its my fault. It was my house, in my house."

I sighed, "I know. I'm so sorry, I know. I don't know what I was thinking," I looked down, I couldn't look her in the eye. Shame washed over me. She sniffled and went quiet for a second before asking, "What?"

I looked up slightly, "Um... huh?"

"Did you know her? That she took something?" She looked slightly shocked. I was confused, lost in translation.

"Who?" I asked.

"The girl. Kat Brunel?" She frowned, "The girl who died last night?"

Relief.

"Oh... oh yeah, sorry," I nodded, "I completely forgot, I'm still recovering, sorry. Died?"

"They found her in one of the bedrooms, she overdosed on drugs," Mia said in hushed tones, "The cops were at mine all day... my Dads fucking pissed... I didn't even know the girl. She just died," Mia began crying. A relieved as I was, I couldn't believe someone had died. The name sounded familiar. Kat... Kat Brunel? Then I remembered: blueberry. The lollipop girl.

I hugged Mia, hugged her tight. Today wasn't the day I confessed.

-

Oooh a death, bet you guys didn't see that coming! Keep your eye out for that name: Kat. It'll mean something later. We love a teaser! I hope you guys enjoyed this short chapter, I thought I'd do a small one because the last chapter was very long. Let me know what you guys think! I'll update tomorrow! :)