What do I do next? (A cheating hawks story)

Confidant

I sat in wait at the bridge after my phone call. There was only one person in the faculty at UA that i felt comfortable with and trusted to see me vulnerable, only because I knew he would never judge me. I feel the slight breeze, as I listened to the kids play and the water rushed below me. The shock of watching Keigo with another woman was still there. I don't think it was fully settled in yet.  I had cried all the tears I could cry, it was as if my body had no water left in it to produce tears.

I heard footsteps slowly approach me as I looked up. I saw him walking, tall, mysterious and seemingly angry at the world.  He glanced around as if to make sure he wasn't being seen by civilians or anyone who might have bad intentions. It's like he never leaves UA, other than to go back to his own home, not too far from campus.

"Hey." he grunted a greeting to me "you okay? I didn't make you wait long did I?"

"No, not at all. Thank you for coming, it means a lot to me. I know you're busy and all with training your students." i said, pulling at the chipped wood below me.

"Hey, this is uh, this is tough and i'm sorry you have to go through this." he looked almost embarrassed as he said it.

"Its okay, i'm just happy you're here with me. Can we go get a drink? I don't want to be here anymore."  I asked, meeting his eyes.  He nodded his head and reached down to help me up.

"How about we get a drink at my place. You know i'm not much of a social person, and I doubt you'd want to talk about this in public.." he trailed off, looking at me for an answer. I didn't speak, it felt as if i had only so much energy to use and i was using it to walk, so i just nodded my head, agreeing.

After what seemed like an eternity, we reached his apartment. It was boring looking on the outside. Grey bland walls, grey staircase and railing. Small black numbers, indicating which unit was his. We walked up the stairs to the door, and as he unlocked it I looked around. He had a small outdoors plant hanging in front of the door in a white pot. It was alive and you could tell he took great care of it.

As we entered the apartment, I stopped to take off my shoes, as did he. He walked to the kitchen, grabbing two glasses from the cabinet, and putting ice in them.

"What would you like to drink? I have Whiskey, Bourbon, tequila, wine and vodka. Pick your poison," he called to me, gesturing to a small table in the far corner of the kitchen with bottles on it.

"Whiskey please" I called back, while taking in the sights of his apartment. It wasnt too different on the inside than it was on the outside, Cream colored walls, a small round table in the dining area with three chairs around it, and a small vase in the middle with some wildflowers it looked like he picked himself. I wandered into the living room, small and cozy. His couch was large enough to seat four people, with throw pillows and soft blankets draped over the arm rests of the couch. He had a nice tv, and some picture frames lining the walls of him and his family from a long time ago.

"Here you go." he said to me as he handed me my glass and sat down beside me, taking a sip from his own. "Talk to me, what happened, you were vague on the phone. Im here for you and youre in a safe place. Talk to me" His eyes looked concerned, he was worried.

" it hurts. It hurts so bad Shouta. I dont know what i did wrong. I dont know how I messed up. I thought I did everything right. "

"Hey hey," he began, leaning forward and cupping my face with his hands, " you did EVERYTHING right (Y/N). Dont you ever doubt yourself and think it was your fault. He chose to do what he did and thats not your fault okay?"

His thumb was lightly caressing my cheek, as we held the moment of silence. He was so close and my face was in his hands. Suddenly my mind went blank and my heart was racing. There was nothing I could do but nod and look down, but he tilted my head back up, locking his eyes with mine once again. Breaking eye contact for a split second, he looked to my lips and back to my eyes.

"Shouta..."