What do I do next? (A cheating hawks story)

What if

" I- Im sorry." he looked down to the couch, and dropped his hands from my face.

" no, its okay i-"

"No. its not," he cut me off, "you're vulnerable right now and you came to me for help, I shouldn't be putting you in that position. His gaze fell upon me again, a look of sadness in his eyes. " i know i always joked around with Keigo, saying that if he ever did you wrong, or if i had found you first i would have swooped you up faster than he could, even using his stupid wings..." his voice trailed off. His hands fidgeted with the scarf as he looked for the next thing to say. " it was never a joke."

I paused for a long moment, trying to process what I had just heard. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of Aizawa liking me all this time.

"Shouta," I began, setting my glass down on the table, "it's cruel to tease me about this right now. I can't believe you'd play such a prank on me." I crossed my arms against my chest, leaning back against the couch.

" (Y/N)" he spoke softly, leaning forward to grab my hands in his own. " this isn't a joke. You've seen how I would get when he would talk to you the way he did. You would always hear me yell at him for you because he was eyeballing other women. I've told you over and over again, you deserve so much more than what he had to offer." He tightened his grip on  my hands lightly, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand.

"I've been waiting to give you better." He smiled a small smile, cocking his head to the side. "I know I know, this is what you'd call 'messy' because you're my friends girl. Well, you were his girl. However, me and Hawks have never really been friends. I've tolerated him and he used me to his advantage like he does everyone he meets..." his voice got rougher, angrier.

"Since the moment I saw you, I knew I had to have you. You were with him though, so I took a step back and I respected your relationship. Please (Y/N), let me treat you with the utmost respect. Let me show you what it means to be loved. Let me show you how you deserve to be treated." He pleaded with me, leaning forward slightly.

My mind was racing once again. I had always talked to Mt. Lady about Shouta, we played around, calling him eye candy. I often found myself taking lots of pictures with him when we were together as a group, or even when he was doing something stupid.

Maybe I did like him?

I looked to the couch, my mind so full of thoughts it was hard to form just one single thought. It's too soon right? It would hurt Hawks wouldn't it?

Oh screw him. He hurt me in the worst way.  What's the worst that could happen? Should I just go for it? God I'm so indecisive. Fuçk it.

I looked back up to make eye contact with Shouta, his eyes looking as if they were losing hope by the second, realizing his mistake.

I leaned forward, freeing one hand from his grip, and placing it on his cheek. I caressed lightly, feeling the stubble under the palm of my hand. Shouta leaned forward slightly, bringing his gaze from my eyes to my lips once again, licking his own. I slid my hand to the back of his head, pulling him forward. Leaning in to meet him halfway, our lips met, softly at first.

His lips, so soft against my own, pulled away for a slight moment. His eyes gazed into mine as he let go of my other hand, bringing both of them to my face, pulling me to him once again hastily. He kissed me with such hunger, like he would die without my lips against his.

He leaned forward more, slowly laying me back onto the couch until he was above me, kissing me feverishly.

"(Y/N), I want you." He breathed, bringing his mouth beside my ear and lightly nibbling my earlobe. "I need you"