Doubt

Chapter Eight- Happiness

Ever since I kind of bailed on Jon at the gym I've been keeping a low profile. I really freaked myself out that day with my thoughts. I was honestly petrified of the feelings I had. I swore to myself that after my last relationship I would never, never let myself feel those emotions or any emotion for that matter but when I was around Jon, I couldn't help it.
I was sitting in my hotel room, watching pointless TV, I didn't know what else to do. I was greatful the Bellas had a signing to attend to so I didn't have to play pretend around them. As for Jon, he messaged a few times and even tried calling but I just couldn't bring myself to answer, so instead I sent him a generic message saying I was fine, just busy. I was drawn from my thought when I heard a banging on my door.
Confused I got up, fixed my top and walked towards the door, I checked the peep hole and couldn't believe it. Saraya.

"What is going on with you?" She asked as soon as I answered the door, her arms wrapping around my neck. I returned the favour and practically squeezed the life out of her. I missed her that much.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, wide eyed as I pulled back bringing her into the room before closing the door. "Arent you busy training for your challenge?"

"Obviously" She scolded rolling her eyes, her strong British accent coming THROUGH. "But you're in trouble so talk."

"I'm not in trouble?"

"Not actually trouble but I'm not stupid, we're practically sisters I know when something isnt right Stace."

"I don't want to talk about it" I told her as I grabbed two bottles of water before taking a seat next to her on the bed.

"I figured with the dry phone calls and messages. That's why I'm here." She half yelled. "Now talk or so help me God"

"Its... Its Ronan" I sighed knowing there was no way I was getting out of this without talking.

"Ronan?" She yelled as loud as she could jumping a little as she moved closer to me. "What did that motherfuckkng weasel do now?"

"Nothing" I shrugged, this in turn had her look at me confused. "You know how I went out with Jon and it was...."

"Yeahhhhhh" She smirked raising her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"Stop" I laughed hitting her lightly. "Well I went training with him a few days ago, we even got into the ring together..."

"Oh Yeahhhhhh."

"STOP" I laughed "Nothing like that, it was then that his friends Seth or Colby and Joe showed up... Anyway that's not important..."

"Hold on did you kick their ass?" She asked interrupting me again.

"Of course" I grinned making her nod and do a hand movement telling me to continue. "I got out of the ring with Jon's help, we talked, flirted the usual. I ended up with my back to him as he tickled me and i just shut down."

"Shut down?"

"Yeah like I froze, stopped dead. At first he didn't notice, but the thoughts started rushing through my head of how I felt when I with Ronan. Happy, content, comfortable! All the things I was starting to feel around Jon. So I left."

"You left?" She repeated looking at me before leaning forward. "Like just see ya, gone?" She asked and I nodded my head. "Oh shit"

"Oh shit"

"Have you heard from Jon since?"

"Yeah he has messaged and called, but I told him I was busy. I know, I know what your going to say but Saraya what do I do?"

"First, you have to stop comparing Jon to Ronan, they are not the same person. Second, you need to talk to Jon especially if you want this to go somewhere. Third, give yourself a god damn break for once in your life."

"How am I suppose to talk to him? He is gonna think I am crazy." I groaned throwing myself back onto the bed. "The crazy girl I was having a great time with then she runs off and I don't hear from her"

"But that's why I said talk to him Stace, your not crazy. Your were hurt. Hurt really bad because of a selfish asshole who was unable to love you the way you deserved to be loved." She smiled reaching for my hand and pulling me to my feet. "You seriously can't paint all these guys with the same brush. Jon may or may not be the same, he could be different, he could be a variation either way he is his own person and deserves a fair shot. Especially if you want him to have a shot."

"But..."

"But nothing. You have to decide are you going to let yourself be happy or miserable?" She asked tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "A guy does not determine your self worth. You do. If a guy doesn't see how amazing you are it's his loss not yours. You know yourself you don't need a man, but they are nice to have around"

"I know what your saying it right but I just don't know"

"When you got out of that head of yours how did you feel?"

"When? With Jon?" I asked, her reply was a simple nod. "Happy, I honestly felt happy"

"How do you feel now?"

"Okay, okay I get it."

"No how do you feel now?"

"Anxious, shit and lonely"

"So which do you prefer?" She asked with that all knowing smirk on her face. She always knows how to get to me. "But again, you don't need a guy. They just add to our happiness they don't make it."

"I love you" I grinned pulling her into a tight hug. "I don't know what I'd do without you"

"Good thing you don't have to be without me" She laughed "Now get dressed we are gonna get lunch before I go back"