9th member; of Stray Kids x2

EX

My words on that particularly cold day
My yawns were particularly many on that day
Being busy became my excuse on more than just a day or two
In the end it became obvious my feelings for you were gone
I left you with just the words I'm sorry
Writing out our sad ending with trembling hands
After I sent you away I was left in pain
It was all my fault, so why am I hurting?

Those lonely days made him remember everything, no good memories, nothing at all other then his harsh words, not being there for her whenever she needed him, not only a day or two, he could've gone for weeks without even having a proper conversation with her, and it made him wonder was his feelings for her gone? Maybe that's why he ruined everything, maybe that's why he broke her heart so bad that not even his sorry's helped to fix it, he did all of this, he decided their future like that, then he left her there, he broke everything, but why was it hurting so bad? 

I didn't even thank you in the end

Just left behind sharp words in a trembling voice

Even if I act like everything is fine, I can't lie

About this longing making me regret it all

They weren't even on good terms now. Oh how could they, he literally broke her more than anyone else, and he didn't only lose her as his girl, but also as his best friend, he forgot all their good memories and decided to break her just like that and now he can't thank her for every little thing she did for him, oh how much she did for him and he just took advantage of all of that. The boys were back to normal with him and he was more than grateful for that, but knowing that Suri forced them in the beginning not to give me a hard time after everything broke him more, but he acted fine, he was smiling at them as if he didn't miss her. 

I search for your in our broken memories

Even when I grasp one all I remember is your tears

I must have really lost my mind, I'm not sure

If I can take all this time without you, in the end you're all I had

I really had lost my mind

I guess I really didn't realize, it's so hard to breathe

When I'm not with you, what did I have so much faith in to do that?I had really lost it that day

It was a habit of his now, to look for her, to look for her when they're going out to eat, remembering how she loved that place so much and how many memories they mad, now all of those memories are nothing but sad broken memories. He can't think of one good memory, nothing at all, because every single time he remembers how they used to be happy, his memories switch to her face crying out for him to stop hurting her, breaking her, but he didn't care back then and he was sure that he lost him mind, how could he even break the only person he cared for like that, he wasn't even sure anymore if it was him. She was his everything, the only person he wanted, but he lost her, and he lost everything the second she was gone. He was stupid, so stupid that he didn't realise all of that until she was gone and now everything was hard for him. Sometimes when his all alone he cries a lot, he cries so much that it comes to the point where he can't breathe. He cries so much that he can't have her back and even if she forgives him, he'll never ever forgive himself, he lost his mind when he broke her.

You can curse me out

Curse me out all, all, all you want

Woah yeah, woah yeah

You can curse me out

Curse me out as, as, as much as you like

Do it until your hatred for me turns into anger

As long as you can let it all out and we can go back to how we were

It annoyed him, broke him. That she wasn't as mean to him as he was to her, he wanted her to yell at him, hit him, hurt him as much as he hurt her if that was even possible, he wanted all her hatred for him gone, if that meant for her to break him. He was ready for anything as long as she was going to be fine again, as long as she's all happy again, as long as she's back to how she used to be, back to how they used to be. He missed her.

When you asked me if something was wrong

I just shook my head side to sideI told you to just not worry about it

But now I'm worrying more about how I said that, why is that?

She used to be so gentle with him, even when he mad her cry, she used to walk over to him softly hugging him, asking if anything was wrong, while she was the one that needed that shoulder to lean on. He used to tell her that everything was fine and perfect as long as she was only with him, and no one else and that she didn't have to worry for anything or anyone as long as he was with her, but he was confused, confused to why he said that while he took her happiness away, and took everyone who loved her and cared for her away and stayed with her only to break her.

I search for your in our broken memories

Even when I grasp one all I remember is your tears

I must have really lost my mind, I'm not sure

If I can take all this time without you, in the end you're all I had 

I really had lost my mind

He found it hard, really hard to remember her smile, oh how much he was in love with that smile, but sadly all he remembers was her tears, the tears he caused. How was he able to do that, shouldn't he be the one wiping those tears away and replacing them with smiles. Through out their time when they were dating, he doesn't even remember one time where he did that. He really did lose his mind.

I guess I really didn't realize, it's so hard to breathe

When I'm not with you, what did I have so much faith in to do that?I had really lost it that day

I didn't know my place, and I let you go

I hate myself for regretting it this much

I can't control it, I miss you, yeah

You've grown so distant from me I can't reach you

But now live in the pain of not being able to forget you

It was too hard, he wanted her more than anyone else, he needed her. He doesn't know how he lost her, how he was able to do that to her and to himself, he's regretting everything and as much as it wasn't right for him to regret everything, because he knew what was right and what was wrong, yet he chose what was wrong and broke her, broke all their promises, but he can't help it, he can't help but miss her, he needed her so much, he wanted her to be with him again, even if she wasn't his anymore, he still needed his best friend back, but she was gone now, she wasn't even able to look him in the eyes, she wasn't even able to stay in the same room as him, and he knows that nothing will be able to bring them back and now he has to live with the pain of losing her, breaking her, and not being able to have her again.