A/N: I decided to turn this book into a kind of compilation of all my kotlc short stories, so I'm moving Too Late into this one!
Also don't judge, I wrote this at 2:30 am and published it on a whim.
Anywaaaaaaaaaaaay, enjoy!
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Dear Biana,
It's too late now. I hate myself for not realizing sooner. I'm so, so sorry. I hate myself for this. I wish I could wind back time and change my stupid descision so I could have stopped what happened and had more time with you. I would have given my life for yours,
but you beat me to that. Why, Biana? I would rather die a thousand times than live without you. You were my best friend.
If only I hadn't been so oblivious. If only I'd seen the way you'd sneak glances at me, looking back on it, I see it so clearly. I was so blind to the emotions in my heart, and because of that I broke yours. Can you forgive me?
I don't know if these feelings are even real, or just my grieving, but you were so kind and nice, and so beautiful, even with those scars, which I admire you so much for embracing. Those scars were my favorite part of you, and now I find myself dreaming of running my fingers over those marks. I now long for a different set of teal eyes to be looking into mine, confirming their feelings, rather than your brother's.
But I wish for what I can't have. I would be running my hands over a cold, vacant body, and staring into lifeless, silent eyes. I want this all to be a dream so bad, I must've pinched myself a thousand times at the planting today, but I never wake up.
Everyone is trying to cheer me up, but I don't want to feel happy. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, and maybe someday I will be happy, but I want to be sad for you right now. I want to be allowed to sob and scream into my pillow and replay every precious moment with you that I wish I had more of.
I want to have nightmares about the life fading from you as I held you tightly in my lap, as if by holding onto your body I could keep you alive. I want to wake up screaming from dreams about your dead eyes, and how just before you died, you opened your mouth to say a sentence that is now lost forever.
I don't want to move on like I don't wish I could kiss those perfect, rose pink, soft lips at least one time in my life, and pull away to see you smiling.
I don't want to keep going like I don't wish I could've walked down the main street of Atlantis with you, fingers intertwined, going into every shop you wanted and rating all the outfits you tried on, ten out of ten, every time.
I don't want to get my matchlist and pretend I don't want to see your beautiful name written next to the number one at the top, same as my name on yours.
I don't want this without you.
You will never understand how sorry I am for rejecting you. It must've taken so much courage to confess. You were the bravest, most courageous, inspiring, loving, forgiving person I have ever met. Even after I rejected you, you still fought against the Neverseen side by side with me, you still risked your life for me.
That moment Vespera stabbed the broken glass into your throat is one that I will remember forever. She was going for me, she was going to stab me, but you just had to do that stupid hero thing that everyone does in all the books. You just had to.
I'm so sorry for everything, Biana. And I wish I got to tell you that. I wish you had died knowing I loved you with all my heart. But instead you died thinking our friendship was destroyed, and I didn't love you at all. And that is a weight I'll carry my whole life.
-Sophie
