If you know me theres nothing i love writing more than good old ANGST. So we gonna have tears, trigger warnings, fucked up pasts, aND OTHER SHIT
So trigger warnings for:
•Self harm
•Homophobia
•Abusive parents
•Intrusive thoughts
•Attempt on ones life.
Lets get into it shall we?
Ever since Togami was forced into that household, his life has taken a turn for the worst, living with your fat alcoholic homophohic dad fucking sucks, but whats worse is having to fight your siblings for the heir to a useless throne. But he dealt. Eventually when his dad stopped beating him and started verbally abusing him, hoping it had more effect, he needed that sort of pain to make up for the loss of touch, he was used to it. It was normal. even if it was harsh. He constantly scratched at his arms and legs with long nails, he clawed at his face and he pulled at his hair. He was literally going mental at this point. So when he got sent to hopes peak academy, he hoped he could break these habits before anybody noticed something was wrong. He was an empty shell of a person. But made up for it by being bitchy. But the one person who looked up to him, weirdly enough, was the lucky student, Makoto Naegi. Togami didnt know what this was so he pushed him away like he did everyone else. But eventually it got to him and he placed his full trust into Naegi, with almost everything. They became best friends over the time they were tormented, but one day he walked into the cafeteria with his long confident stride (tall ass bitch. But we can be tall together *kith* ✨) Everyone was gathered for their meeting on what to do, but surprisingly, it was about him. "Look Sakura Togami is-" Asahina looked over apprehensively. "Get over here." He followed her orders and sat down at the table he usually did. Even Toko was standing with Sakura and the others. "We've come to the conclusion that your a total bitch Togami!" Asahina said without skipping a beat. He looked down, he didnt know how to fake happiness, so he just became a jerk to everyone, and now it was backfiring on him. He got up and started walking to the doors when sakura grabbed him with Yasuhiro, Aoi, Toko, and Kyoko following behind. Kyoko stood in the back arms crossed, Yasuhiro stood on one side of Sakura, Aoi on the other, Toko up in his personal space again, but not too much surprisingly. "We arent done here." Sakura said gruffly letting him go. He stood there patiently waiting for them to fire more. "Where do you get off M- TOGAMI! You- i didnt realize it but- you dont care about any of us! Not even me!" Toko shreiked. She pointed accusingly, "i bet you dont even care about naegi! Your just using him!" Togami broke slightly, did they really think he didnt care about Naegi? Makoto meant the world to him, he would probably take a stab for the boy. "listen here Fukawa, i dont know who you think your talking to but you better not bring Makoto into this! I would take a bullet for him. I swear it! He wont believe any of you because he knows id never do that to him!" He turned to face the group in the middle of his enraged sentance. "GOD SHUT UP TOGAMI! We know who were talking to! Were talking to a pathetic rich guy who thinks hes better than us! You should take yourself out! Maybe the ratings would go down because your just so damn popular! (In my au sakura survives because i love her so much and i ship her with asahina, also im sorry asahina is a bitch in this) then the show would be taken down and we'd be set free!!" Togami was shocked, the nicest girl probably ever, was telling him to go off himself. Yasuhiro stepped up, "yeah dude, i may not be the brightest but you dont have to point it out every time i talk to you. Its rude. And you were an asshat to leon! So.. i agree with Asahina, its.. just personal reasons.." Kyoko stepped up, "maybe if you didnt tamper with crime scenes we could work together, but you cant help yourself can you." Togami backed into the wall as they stepped forward all expressing their every complaint with him, calling out his every flaw and making it seem 10 times worse. One hand made its way up into his hair as he slid down the wall, they all towered over his overwhelmed body. He involuntarily started crying. Tears flowing from his eyes as he discreetly tugged at his hair and rubbed his arm on the corner of the wall opening up old wounds. Blood trickled down his arm, "crybaby! How does it feel Togami? To feel worthless? I bet its a new experience for you.." its not.. "crying yourself to sleep because you feel awful about your looks and personality?" All the time. "You are a worthless peice of shit Togami." I know.. "LEARN SOME HUMAN KINDESS AND DECENCY AND MAYBE THEN WE'LL WORK WITH YOU. AND THATS THE BARE MINIMUM" Asahina laughed and walked off with the rest of them. (Pov switch to togami) It got harder to breathe as blood streamed down my face, reminding me of all my past mistakes, the blood on my arms and legs, the scars and bruises, everything hurt. "STOP OVERREACTING!" i cant do this. I struggled to stand up. "YOUR SUCH A BABY." Stop.. "i have to agree with asahina. Why do something you cant take yourself" i dont know "wheres your little boyfriend to come bail you out this time?" He'd never love me. "STOP FAKING IT AND JUST SAY YOUR SORRY. JEEZ." Make it stop.. "YOUR FIIIINE." Please. I put both hands in my hair again and tugged as hard as i could. I deserved it. I heard yasuhiro say "i really dont think hes okay.." i cant breathe. "He'll be alright. Hes probably trying to guilt trip us into something. Just eat." She poked at her food. Getoutofmyheadgetoutofmyheadgetoutofmyhead. Makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop. I sat there sitting on the floor struggling to breathe, hands in my hair, blood obsuring my vision at this point. I tasted the metally liquid over my lips as i tried to Stablize my breathing. Then Naegi walked in. "Hey guy..s..?" He knew something happened. He started to run in thinking Togami was hurt, when he tripped over Togami himself. He flung himself to the floor taking off his jacket and trying to use it to clean the blood. "Im so sorry!" Naegi tried apologizing. "N-no i deserved it. I-Its okay." Togami responded shakily trying to smile for Naegi. "Look Kuya, its okay.. its gonna be okay. What happened.." "th-they said i was awful they said i was a bitch they called me things b-but dont say anything they'll get angrier.. its fine i swear.. i deserved it anyways haha." i was shaking and i was relapsing into other old habits he got from his dad. Dont tell him he'll hurt me more. If he said i deserved it i deserved it. If he called me names i deserved it. I D E S E R V E I T. "I cant do this.. im sorry-im sorry- im sorry.." i kept muttering apologies as Naegi helped me stand up. I gained my balance and bolted out. I ran to my room. Everyone here hates me too. Why dont i cut myself again. Why dont i scratch at my face and bang my head on the walls. What if i kicked at the corner of my dresser until my feet were bloody and raw. What if- what if i killed myself. Suicide.. thats what they want.. and If i cant find hapiness here, maybe Makoto will be fine without me. He'll start dating Kyoko and make friends and everyone would be happy. Yeah.. yeah..! I stood up and grabbed my emergency pills i stole from the chem lab. "Couple of these suckers and its all over." I smiled to nobody. I heard my door open and i grabbed water and hesitated before panickedly bringing the pills to my mouth. The bathroom door opened as soon as i did so. It was Naegi, and the rest of the class was now exploring my room as Makoto tackled me and sat on top of me holding my arms down. "Why were you going to-" he started crying before he could finish his sentence. "You would have been fine without me." I said trying not to cry also, squirming under him. He let go of my hands and collapsed on my chest. I sat up and held him as he cried trying to comfort him. He backed off me still crying. Just sitting there with his legs crossed behind my back as i sat up against the bathtub. I placed my hands on both sides of his face and wiped his tears as he giggled. "No more tears okay?" Kyoko called him. "Wipe your eyes and go see what she wants okay?" I said lifting him off me. "Ill be okay." I said confidently as he stood up. "I-i im keeping an eye on you though!" he pointed at me with one hand his other wiping his eyes. He stepped out for a few minutes and then in a sob filled blur he ran back into me straddling my lap and hugging me tightly. Of course i hugged back, who wouldnt. He cupped my face gently. "I love you so much, you dont have to do those things anymore, ill make sure you dont i love you so much please stay with me, god your all i have." He kept rambling so i shut him up with a soft kiss in which he returned. "J-Just shut up okay.. its okay. Im sorry.." the others left to give us a moment. "Nothings gonna be the same after this huh.." Naegi laughed through tears "thats what your thinking about right now?" "Mhm.."
Sorry this sucks ass, i just thought i should publish some older drafts
