What's love?

Chapter 2: Im just the forgotten girl

It will be my birthday 2 months today ill be 17 it wont be exciting like every other teenagers birthday where they have a big party with loads of friends and family it will just be another abusive day for me ill be sitting on my bed with my guitar staring at the wall and singing my songs ive written since i was 11. I have nobody to wish me 'Happy Birthday' i might get a card of the care home if im lucky, they probably dont know i exsist. Im just the forgotten girl. 

I was in the care home in my plain room sitting on my rock hard bed staring out the window playing notes on my guitar and looking at the awful veiw of a feild. I have nowhere to go nothing to do, my life is just full of darkness full of fear. I was staring blankly, the trees swaying and the wind passing threw the leaves.   

*Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang*

I heard 5 awful bangs on my door, oh someone does remember me, or it could just be someone who feels like pushing or punching me in the face. I got up of my bed and walked over to the door.

"Eva your social worker would like a word with you, get down stairs into the office she is there waiting for you" Another member off staff said in a snotty tone. 

"Why?" i asked quietly. 

"Go ask her yourself!!" she shouted, i stood back slightly and made my way past her. As i walked past her she looked me up and down and stomped off, i carried on walking down the stairs towards the office thinking, why does my social worker want to talk to me? She hardly even remembers my name. All i could think off is im getting moved care homes...again. 

I stood outside the office for a few seconds then knocked on the door gently three times.

"Come in!" i heard a voice shout. I opened the door and walked in.

"oh hello ever" she said. Yet again, she got my name wrong.

"My names eva" i said quietly looking down ready for her to shout. She always shouts when i correct her with my name.

"I dont care, sit down" Elain said blinking hard and pointing to a chair opposite her desk, i made my way over to the blue chair and sat down.

"Do you know why you're here?" she asked looking at some paper. 

"no" i said, which sounded more like a whisper.

"Oh, well it's your lucky day we've found your mum, if you wish so you can go and see her, but she's not in the best of states. Ill give you time to think about it but just hurry up with a decision i havnt got all day, now go back to your room" she said in a not caring tone.

I didnt respond to her i stood up and left the office i came out to see 2 of the bullys of the care home with there ears against the wall, i stared at them. 

"What did they say to you?" the black haired girl asked me looking me up and down and giving me a disgusted look.

"I can go and see my mum" i spoke gently.

"they found your skanky mother, Ha. You're as useless as her, why would your mum even want to look at you?"  the blonde girl said they both laughed

"yeah look at you. Listen eva nobody likes you, even your own parents hated you. You're just ugly and fat, nobody would take a second look at you. This is why you're single, look at your clothes, your hair you're disgusting" the black haired said. 

My mind was telling me to stand up for myself, stop being there clown. Dont take it off them..but whatever they say is true, im just useless i cant stand up for myself im not strong enough. Im like an Ant small not noticed always getting walked all over.

"If i was you, i would starve myself I wouldnt even look in the mirror, they laugh at you iswell, just lock yourself away you're making me feel sick" The blonde said pretending to be sick. They both thought it was highly amusing and was nearly crying at there way of insulting me. Yes i was crying on the inside my insecurity was creeping over me. I feel useless. I ran past them and to my room.

"Ugly freak, stay away!!" One of them shouted.

I sprinted to my room and shut it, i put the lock on which only my room had. I walked over to the pretty large mirror, tears pouring like a water fountain, i gripped on the cover that was over the top of the mirror because i was always scared of looking at myself. I pulled it of slowly my eyes were closed tightly i heard the cover hit the floor quietly, my eyes opened slowly. I stared at myself looking from my head to my toes. My face was pale and cold, my hair was very long and dark brown and my eyes were baggy and red, i lifted my jumper up not all the way just so i can see the scars, my finger skimmed over the top, they didnt hurt they just brung back memories which made them hurt, i had three of them they wasnt big but they wasnt small, i was ashamed of them i could never show my body to anyone. 

I quickly pulled my jumper down and shoved the cover back over the mirror. 

 It still confused me what Elain said, i never get a lucky day? I found out today that my mum's been found and she's not in a fit state, i didnt understand what Elain meant when she said 'found' her. The decision is do i go and see her after 11 years? 

I spent a few hours thinking about it until i came to a decision. I forced myself back down to the office and knocked on the door.

"What?" she shouted. I made my way in and towards her desk.

"made a decision?" she asked whilst writing something down.

"I-i i want to see her" i spoke.

"Fine. Ill arrange it for this saturday. You can leave now" Elain said and pointed to the door. I took her orders and left the office.   

I had three days to get myself prepared for meeting, basically a stranger.