Regarding Love

The Kind Of Girl...

January 18, 2015

I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how it all got so bad. I know what I did wasn't good and I shouldn't have done it. I was just so frustrated and angry. I wasted 5 years of my life on Leo.

He's broken me though. He chipped away my pride piece by piece until I was nothing. I don't know what's worse though. Leo stabbing me or my own sister turning the knife.

I walk out of the bathroom and crawl back under the covers of my warm bed. This is the majority of my plans for the day.

My brothers tried to call me but I wouldn't answer. My mom has called. My dad has too. Leo's mom even tried calling. Truth is, I don't wanna speak to anyone. I don't want to have to face the fact that two of the people I cared about most were out to hurt me. I don't want to admit that I was fooled by not one but two people.

"I made lunch. Don't pull the not hungry card either." Jared says as he opens my bedroom door.

"I'm really not hungry." I mutter and pull the covers around me tighter.

"You didn't eat dinner last night or breakfast. You can't lie to me." He says and I huff. I sit up and he hands me the plate.

"Mrs. Smith is here." Jared says as he turns to the door.

"Tell her that I'm sleeping or something." I beg. I don't wanna talk to her. Not yet. Not looking like I look either.

"Too late. She's on her way down the hall." He says and gives me a half smile.

I set the plate on the bedside table. At least I brushed my hair and teeth this morning. Jared smiles at Leo's mom and walks away. She closes the door softly and sits on the edge of the bed.

"Hey Kathy." I say softly.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" She asks me kindly.

"I'll be okay." I say and tuck my lips in before releasing them.

"You're a strong woman Alice. Even the strong need someone to catch them when they fall though. And honey you didn't just fall, you crashed and burned." Kathy smiles.

"Yeah. I feel like everything got ripped away from me last night. Honestly, I think I saw Leo cheating on me so I wasn't too bad shaken up. My own sister though? I don't know how to jump back from this Kathy. I don't know how to forgive. I don't even know if I should." I say as a tear escapes my eye.

"That's a decision only you can make. Honestly, you're a much better person than I am. I would never be able to forgive either of them. Alice, you have a diamond heart though. It's not gold because gold is fragile and breakable. Your heart is solid and strong and you're one of a kind. You'll make the best decision." She reassures me.

"I don't want to forgive them though. I want to blow away in the wind. I want to disappear. I'm just tired of being hurt." I say and breakdown again.

"Oh sweetie." Kathy says and wraps her arms around me. I hug her tightly.

"I sent Leo away this morning." Kathy whispers as she rubs my back.

"Sent him away?" I ask confused.

"He's sick Alice. When he was a teenager, before he met you really, he went through a stage. Sex, drugs, alcohol. I didn't know what to do so I sent him to a facility that could handle his behavior. When he came back and met you, I figured that he was okay again. I suppose the first year was the best year for y'all. He lost his way and he hid it well. I sent him back and he won't be here for another 6 months." She tells me.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I ask confused.

"It was the past. We thought he was better. We never imagined he'd come back worse." She says and wipes her eyes.

"That's why you didn't defend him when he stole that ring." I say and it finally clicks in my head. She's been through this with him. He's never been an easy person. I thought maybe it was just me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just didn't want you to worry. If I had known that I could have saved you so much pain, then I would have sent him away the moment I found out about moms ring."

"No. Please don't blame yourself. I don't blame you for any of this."

"I know. I just feel responsible. Which reminds me, I brought you something." She says and reaches down to her purse. She hands me a small box.

"You shouldn't have brought me anything." I say with a small laugh.

"Don't be silly. It was actually suppose to be for your wedding." She says with a shrug.

I pull the ribbon off and the paper next. I open the white box and pull out a book. It's a hardback with a beautiful cover that looks like the night sky. I turn it to the side and read the fancy writing. Counting the Stars. I open the book gently and smile.

You're the kind of girl people write books about, Alice. This ones for you.

"You didn't." I whisper.

"I did." Kathy says and squeezes my hand.

"But why?" I ask as tears run down my face.

"When you first came to the house with Leo, you picked up one of the first books Id written. Of course you didn't know I had written it yet. You told me that the main character seemed unrealistic and boring." She says with a smile.

"I'll never forget that. I was so embarrassed when you smiled and said that you were Katherine Smith." I say as my face heats up at the memory.

"I was thankful for your honesty. No one had ever just come out and told me the truth. You were a breath of fresh air and it was nice. I'm upset that you'll never officially be my daughter in law but you'll always be a daughter to me."

"Thank you Kathy. Thank you so much." I whisper and hug her.

"That's a first edition. The only copy that's hand painted and signed just for you. Take care of it and you'll forever live on." She whispers softly in my ear.

"I don't know how to thank you Kathy." I say as I pull back.

"Just continue being the girl people write books about sweet girl. I've got to get home but promise me you'll come visit me. Call me anytime and we can meet for coffee or something." She says with a smile.

"Of course." I say as I hold the book to my chest.