To the Stars and Back

Chapter 13

Dawn

I find Alyssa at the lookout, and I stalk in, yelling her name.

"Alyssa! It's time you told me the truth." I shout.

"What are you talking about?"

"There's something going on here. You know it, and I know it. But you know what, and I don't."

"Dawn, some things I just can't explain."

"Alyssa! This is everyone's lives at stake! This is no longer about you! This is about all of us. And you need to tell me. Now."

"Dawn, I can't-"

"No! This entire time, you've been ignoring me! Always in Hazel's room, or walking around avoiding me. You never talk to me anymore, and you don't tell me anything even if it's important! I thought we were close! I thought we told each other everything! I would tell you everything! And I've tried to talk to you, but you just avoid conversation. And when I try to do something with you, you always have something better to do. And what do you do when something that could save us all or kill us all comes up? You tell Hazel. And you tell me that you can't tell me. And I ask her, and she says to ask you? Does she think I haven't tried talking to you? I've tried! So many times! But you always avoid me. That's all you do! Avoid me! And have you ever stopped to think about what all this crap is like to me?? I have no one! No one! Only you. And all you're doing is pretending I don't exist. I'm dead to you! And- and- and this!" I hold out my locket. "You haven't used this at all! It's probably lying in the trash can somewhere. And that's fine! That's where this belongs!" I yank off my locket, throwing it into the nearest trash bin. "If that's what you think of me, then that's where you belong too!"

I storm out of the lookout, not giving her another glance as I go back to my room.

Alyssa

I stand here in the lookout, bewildered, for probably a minute before moving.

How could she say all that? Does she really believe it all? I should go after her. Shouldn't I? This is the part where I run after her, shouting her name, telling her that's not how I feel and how I'm sorry and I love her so much and then she hugs me and tells me she forgives me.

But I can't go after her. Because what if she's right? What if what she says is true? Am I really avoiding her?

Why did I not realize before that she has no one but me to talk to?

I manage to drag myself down the stairs. I think about going to our room, but Dawn's probably in there. I get myself dinner instead.

I sit in the lookout with nothing but food and my notebook and watch the stars. They're just white streaks going by, but it's still nice to see something slightly familiar.

I used to go stargazing with Dawn when we were younger. We stopped a few years ago when the sky started getting grayer and grayer, when the oil in the air started to gather more than ever.

Now, it's like I've never seen stars before.

They're brighter than I've ever seen them. To me, they've only ever been dim lights trying to shine through the clouds.

But here they are, blindingly bright, and all I can think about is how Dawn would love to see it too, if she were here with me.

I open my notebook, flipping to the next empty page.

It's been too long since I last saw dirt. And grass. Even on Earth there wasn't much of that. And it's been too long since I was with April, baking. I wanted to do it one more time before I left, but I didn't have enough time. Because that's what's controlling us the most, isn't it? Time? It's been two and half weeks since we left. We should have gotten there a week ago. The people staying had 28 hours, and who knows how much time they have left. It's terrible, that we're being driven by limits and fear of time running out. It causes chaos, and disaster. And I'm convinced that's what's happening now. On Earth, people probably don't care what happens. They don't have to pay for things, just grab them from the store, and everyone is freaking out, because they're supposed to die soon. And here, if we tell them what we know, maybe even tell other people on the ship, it'll be chaos. And we won't be able to fix it. So we have to wait it out. Even if it means both my sister and my only friend on this ship will be mad at me.

I put my pencil down, looking around the room. I'm surprised there's no one else in here, especially since it's only 9:00.

I pick up my notebook and pencil and stand up. I should try to talk to Hazel. Maybe she's not completely mad at me? Not like Dawn, at least.

I go down the stairs to Hazel's room, knocking on the door.

She opens it. "Dawn, I told you, I'm sorry, I-" she sees me, and her face passes through probably three phases before landing on a cross between anger and disgust. "Oh. You."

I nod. "Um, I have to talk to you."

"You did plenty of that when you told me we can fix this but we won't."

So definitely angry.

"Look, Hazel, if we tell them, don't you understand what will happen? Chaos! Panic! And we might not be safe. If these people are capable of lying to the whole world and causing a country-wide apocalypse, and send 2500 families to space, think what they would do if they found out we knew?"

She suddenly looks sort of guilty.

"I know, it's just... this could save us."

And what do you do when something that could save us all or kill us all comes up? You tell Hazel. And you tell me that you can't tell me.

I look away, blinking vigorously. "No. It'll just cause us trouble. Just like everything else already has." I say.

"Alyssa, why are you saying stuff like that? This changes everything! We know how this all happened now!"

"I'm sorry." I can't stay here with her. I don't know why I wanted to come here.

I walk off to the game room. I'm running out of places to go.