The Truth// Jamilton Fanfic

everything i wanted...but

>Alex's POV<
I walked downstairs in my red Princeton sweatshirt and some black Jeans. I peaked into the kitchen to see only Thomas there "where is my mom and dad?"
"Your mom went to get you some comfort stuff and your dad is at a meeting" he grabbed the tea kettle and began boiling the water. I sighed and sat on the kitchen island, I sighed quietly and broke the silence "do you think I'm a fuck up..?"
"What? Why woul-"
"Let me finish...Before you decided to be all nice, you used to say I was a mistake..that I was a complete fuck up that would never accomplish anything. Did you mean that..? A-am I really that horrible..?" I focused my eyes on my fidgeting hand and felt my jaw tighten from the physical pain I felt even thinking about the things he'd say to me before, then felt his strong hand cup my cheek. "I know what I said is unforgivable. I don't know why I said the things I did. They're not true, and it took me 7 damn years to figure that out!" I giggled softly and looked away from him

his thumb began stroking my cheek softly.
I felt my face heat up and my breathe hitch.

"I'm trying my best to make a change, I'm sorry if I mess up and when I did I'm sorry I didn't have the balls to tell you I'm sorry." He smiled and leaned closer to me, I felt his arm skim my side
The tea kettle behind me went off so he leaned over to turn the stove off.
"Want some?"
"Mhm, thanks Tom"
"God please don't call me that ever loser-" he smiled and poured me a cup
"What's wrong with Tom?"
"It reminds me of this cranky librarian I knew."
He handed me a cup of tea. "Oh? Was his name tom?" I carefully sipped my drink
"Nah it was Dan, but he could pass as a Tom-" I almost choked laughing.

"You make no sense, flower boy" I grinned softly at him, and looked at him up and down quickly.
He had on a grey shirt with a flannel jacket, light blue ripped jeans and white Jordan's.
I could hear him talking to me, but once again my eyes skimmed every last bit of him, this time noticing every detail on him.
He was tall, around 6'3 (I'm 5'6)
He had a perfect jawline, perfectly shaped eyebrows, those gorgeous eyes, his peach fuzz, and those thick curls. I moved my eyes towards his neck and shoulders then down to his chest, I gently bit my inner lip. As I began moving my eyes lower I heard someone snapping their fingers in front of me. "My eyes are up here Hamilton, what are you looking at anyway?"
"N-nothing-"
He shrugged and continued to sip his drink.

>Thomas POV<
Alexander was acting kinda weird this morning, he got really red randomly, he wasn't paying attention, he nodded even when I wasn't saying anything. I almost believed he had a concussion or something, maybe hit his damn head while changing.
Poor thing

I yawned and rubbed my face, i didn't really sleep much last night.
I couldn't.
All night I watched Alexander making sure he didn't lay on his wrists, making sure he wasn't catching a fever or in pain, rubbing his back when he'd whimper. "Are you tired?"
Alex gently touched my shoulder as i nooded a bit. "Yeah, I usually don't sleep well but it's fine, really." I forced a smile on my face so he wouldn't worry, but it seems it only made things worst.
"Thomas, I know a lie when I hear one." His eyes glistened as the sun came through the window, I covered my eyes and walked into the living room. Alexander followed.
I tried keeping myself awake by pacing back and forth, "you're an idoit sometimes, you know that right?" He gently sat me on the couch and covered me with a blanket. "You've made that very clear I'm afraid" I smiled, he laughed and sat beside me. "Shut up"
"Okay-"
"....thomas?"
"...."
"Thomas?"
"...."
He slapped my cheek playfully "stop-"
"No no you wanted me to shut up so I am" A smirk grew on my face as I glanced down at Alex, he glared back at me and shook his head. "You're so full of shit!" His head fell onto my shoulder
I felt my heart skip a beat, my god he looked so fucking incredible.

I was rather tired of the same old one night stands. I wanted to be with someone who'd truly make me happy, someone who'll be themselves around me. Someone that I'd make happy, that would be happy with me...then I looked at alex. I saw someone who could be everything I wanted but there was one problem.

I could never make him happy..

I hesitantly wrapped my arm around his neck and then pulled back.
No.
You can't.
I felt small hands grab my arm, placing it back around Alex's neck. "Relax your shoulders, dumbass you're really tense.." a voice as sweet as honey whispered in my ear. I blushed deeper and relaxed myself before feeling myself drift asleep.

>Alex POV<
I saw Thomas' eyes began to droop until he finally fell asleep, I sighed quietly and smiled. He was so perfect. He could have anyone he wants, why would he want someone like me? I just wanted someone who'd truly love me, insecurities and all. Someone who I could be best friends with, my prince, my soulmate...then I looked at Thomas, I saw someone who could be everything i wanted but there was one problem.

I could never be enough for him...

But that didn't matter right now. I gently traced my finger against Thomas' jaw, I bit my lip again...

lord show me how to say no to him..