Project story time

Blind spot

    September —, ????
       
    

         Today was one of the worst days I've had in awhile. The worst part is that nothing happened! Nothing terrible happened other than the fact that.. I lashed out at my friends. I'll explain; so for the longest time in my life I've convinced myself that I will forever be alone. I shouldn't make myself become attached to other people because they will just end up being altered and reconditioned one way or another. But today showed me some flaws with my train of thought.

   You see I, Bellatrix, thought that no matter what I do, I would lose the ones that are close to me. So I kept myself away from most people. So if anyone asked me to hang out, I would decline. If you wanted to go on an adventure with me, I would decline. If you even so much as wanted to do something as simple as get a drink with me, I would decline.

    I would decline because if I wasn't there with you and something happens... then it's not my fault.

   But then today was interesting. I went to the old camper, bus thing that me and my friends would go to every now and again. This place made me comfortable. It was silent, and away from the dirty, and dark city. We would hang out together and laugh, and we did that this time too.

    As we talked and told stories about each other, one of us brought up news that i wasn't ready to hear in my life. Stacy, the youngest and most rebellious girl in my friend group almost got taken to be reconditioned. This shocked me. She was the sweetest out of all of us. I didn't want that to happen to her. We talked about every little detail relating to the attempt at her capture. It made me want to be there for her. I didn't want to let her go alone. I felt like if I did then losing her would be my fault.

   Then I had a moment of clarity. I want to help people and if I leave them alone to fend for themselves, it's my fault if they get hurt. Have I really been that foolish and cruel the whole time? Am I really so selfish that I can't even help my friends simply by going with them to get some coffee? I can't let myself be that selfish. Yet a part of me just wants to survive. What's wrong with me? I don't understand.

   Maybe I am just selfish.

   Let's change that.